It's drrrry heat, son

Good morning, America

How are you?

I say, don't you know me?

I'm your native....ummm...French step-sister

Before I start, I want to give a big hug to everyone on Amtrak, who fell all over themselves seeing to my every need. I took a train from Boston to Houston, and every employee of that train stopped by 50 times a day to see if I needed anything. I have had "relations" with people who showed me less attention.

There will also be hugs for AOL, Jamie Mottram, David Nesbihal, Summer Olson, Prime Sports, and the Hotel Derek, but we'll get to them later.

 

All my Exes live in Texas

So I hang my hat in Tennessee

The talk of Texas tonight is Roger Clemens. Roger is having a remarkable season, pitching in his hometown. He is empowering the over-40 crowd. It's sort of like when Italians watch Rocky. He holds center stage this evening, and should put on quite a show...unless Dave Stewart is pitching for the AL, in which case Clemens will get a blister on his pinky and ask out.

It should be fun watching Clemens work with Piazza tonight. These two have an uglier past than the Hatfields and the McCoys. Roger has thrown a bat at Piazza, and nearly killed him with a beanball one year. There is little else he could throw at the man. Maybe his glove, or his disgusting, sweaty jock strap.

Tonight, Pizza Man can have his revenge.

If I was Piazza, I'd whisper what the next pitch will be to every man that steps up to the plate against Clemens. "Pssstt....fastball, inside corner....snicker." Nothing like serving up 4 straight gopher balls when you are doing your farewell game in your hometown, on national TV. I can almost see the pitcher/catcher conference..."I don't get it, Roger...your stuff looks pretty good to me...they just can't seem to miss." There is also a chance that Clemens will try to tag Piazza in the face with a fastball, wedging the ball into the mask like a tumor.

I have to cut this short...I'm off to San Jacinto to gather some dirt. I collect dirt from famous places, and I put it in my garden. I'm just starting in Monponsett, but my former home in Duxbury had Gettysburg tomatoes, Monticello rhododendrons, Lexington/Concord lilacs, Rouen roses, Plains of Abraham parsley, among other things. Im thinking San Jacinto peppers, by the way.