You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'.
-Chris Rock
"Even God can't hit a one iron" - Lee Trevino, after a lightning bolt split a tree in half next to him.
"I can dribble with my right hand and I can dribble with my left hand. I'm amphibious"
-Charles Shackleford, NC State basketball player
"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."
- Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece
"His idea of a balanced diet is a Big Mac in each hand"
- Pat Williams, on 300 pound center Stanley Roberts
"He wants Texas back."
-1981 Tommy Lasorda, Dodger manager, asked what terms Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in his upcoming contract negotiations
1991 Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn's football dorm had destroyed 20 books......"But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet."
1996 Lincoln Kennedy, Oakland Raiders tackle, on his decision not to vote: "I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot."
1991 Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, Son, what is it with you: Is it ignorance or apathy?'He said, " 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"
Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too ugly to kiss goodbye."
Football combines the two worst things about America: it is violence punctuated by committee meetings. ~George F. Will
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
~Erma Bombeck
I like to believe that my best hits border on felonious assault. ~Jack Tatum
Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.
--Mahatma Gandhi
Anyone with an ailment or who wears glasses or anyone slightly different suddenly wears a bull's eye. I think that dodgeball derailed an entire generation of Americans. It's the true red menace.
--Art Jones, Film director who directed Dodgeball
Oh, somewhere in this favoured land the sun is shining bright; The band is playing somewhere; and somewhere hearts are light; And somewhere men are laughing; and little children shout; But there is no joy in Mudville- great Casey has struck out.
--Ernest Lawrence Thayer, Casey at the Bat
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.
--Jack Handy
We won! We won! We won! Um, unfortunately, I bet on the other team, so we won't be going for pizza.
--Chief Clancy Wiggum
"There is no I in TEAM....but there is an 'M' and an 'E'..."
~ Rich Eisen
~Haywood Hale Broun
"What was the name of that dog on 'Rin Tin Tin?'"
-Mickey Rivers
1 comment:
No matter what anyone's feelings on Monponsett's blogs, you must admit, she is knowledgeable on her subject matters and adds a cutting sense of humor, and in my opinion has shifted into a higher gear in this contest and is confidently passing the other (good) contestants, and not looking back.
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