A bunch of rich guys buying and trading young blacks and European peasants would generally bring the ACLU screaming into the fracas. Not last night. These young men were plucked from different levels of obscurity and fed into the maw of the American Entertainment Industry. They will be paid millions of dollars for their potential.
These are the New Republicans, 30 or so young men who became guaranteed millionaires when they were selected in the NBA Draft. This isn't some Virginia slave auction, by any means. These are no Hessian mercenaries. This is Uncle Tom's Condo, or Gogol writing The Armani Overcoat.
Check my old articles if you want my opinion on kids entering the NBA Draft. I'm all for it. College basketball can survive the loss of its' best talent, and Boston will have an 18 year old millionaire from Mississippi staring at his first lobster come training camp... "People eat that??"
Harvard researcher Mike McCann- who, I should note, was hired by people representing Maurice Clarett- did a report where he showed that most of these kids enjoy some form of success in the NBA. A player who flops out of the league in 3 years still makes more money than he would make if he had played in college. More splendid recruits fail in college than in the NBA, and the kids who go pro were paid for it. A very small percentage of high school NBA draftees are currently unable to earn a living playing basketball.
I just wonder how far we can push it. I'd look at Reggie Miller, Bill Walton, Rick Barry, Karl Malone, Caldwell Jones or Kobe Bryant as examples. Not only were they NBA stars, but they also have family members- fathers, sons, sisters, daughters or brothers- who have displayed high-level basketball talent. Where am I going here? Wait and see...
As far as I can tell, the NBA is resisting efforts to ban a minimum age for draftees. There seems to be some rule banning teams from getting after kids until they finish their last year of HS ball. There are ways around that rule. The way is Genetics.
In the 2009 NBA Draft, the Boston Celtics shock the world by drafting 7 month old Phillip Jackson Bryant, the son of Laker star and acquitted rapist Kobe Bryant. P.J. Bryant's grandfather is NBA legend Joe "Jellybean" Bryant, and his mother was a dancer.
The Genetic Era of NBA history has begun.
GM Danny Ainge calmy deflects questions of morality as he speaks of "limitless potential" and "a few years of seasoning in Europe" when explaining his decision to draft a toddler. Bryant the Younger forfeits his worthless college eligibility when he hires the Poston Brothers to represent him. Bryant signs this agreement in Crayola. Carl Poston begins to refer to him as "Black Jesus." He signs a back-loaded rookie deal, and the Bryants move to a preschool/training facility in nearby Duxbury, Massachusetts.
Throughout his childhood, Bryant is never more than 50 yards from Celtic consultants Dennis Johnson, Tiny Archibald, George Gervin, Freddy Brown, Alonzo Mourning, Pete Newell, John Lucas, and Sidney Moncrief, who work in rotating shifts.
European scholars are brought in to teach him Machiavelli, Nietzsche, Darwin, Freud, and anything else that might feed into his NBA training. He lives on a diet of raw meat and Mother's Milk, supplied by local female athletes- including the state's top-ranked gymnast, who came to be in a family way shortly after the Bryants' arrival.
He plays basketball for the local high school, although no one in the 400 person school can ever recall seeing him on campus. Duxbury High School's basketball team goes 37-0 and wins two Massachusetts state championships before Bryant is called up to the Celtics in 2020.
In 2010, the Denver Nuggets secure the rights to any sperm produced by all star guard LeBron James. It is stored in a cryogenic bioengineering facility near Boulder, and retired WNBA players are recruited as egg donors. The area around the facility is fenced in. Dark rumors of a People Farm begin to arise concerning heretofore unknown Jamestown, Colorado. Denver starts a run of 15 straight championships in 2030, and Denver G.M. Charles Barkley wins the Nobel Prize for Science.
11 comments:
Mutation Found in 'Muscle Man' Toddler
Thu Jun 24, 8:33 AM ET Add Health - AP to My Yahoo!
By LINDA A. JOHNSON, Associated Press Writer
Somewhere in Germany is a baby Superman, born in Berlin with bulging arm and leg muscles. Not yet 5, he can hold seven-pound weights with arms extended, something many adults cannot do. He has muscles twice the size of other kids his age and half their body fat. DNA testing showed why: The boy has a genetic mutation that boosts muscle growth.
AP Photo
AP Photo
Slideshow: Mutation Found in 'Muscle Man' Toddler
Belichick has a verbal agreement with that kid...
Wooo hooo! You're leading in the polls! And you don't even have to jump up and down and say 'Pick me!, Pick me!' (sorry, bad joke but I couldn't resist... we just watched Shrek this week)
We have another cut next week, and then the real catfight begins....
The second half of your comment sounds a lot like what Jimmy the Greek said many years ago about why black athletes are bigger and stronger.He was never heard from again after making that remark. Reading this article makes people wonder if this is what the NBA actually wants. Another point to be made this youngster phenomenon is fairly new yes I know Moses Malone and a few others but they were the exception then now its the rule show me in 5-10 years how well thes kids at 30 are doing with their money.At 30 out of the NBA made 10 million dollars half went to Uncle Sam 20% went to an agent bought a house a few cars and suits lived the high life for 4 years and have no education.Will they go to school and pay some college for an education or fall to the wayside like many other athletes.
Very good Mls, but I wonder if that was what Stacey was saying too?
Oooops, rnl
Strauss makes a good point, aside from the Jimmy the Greek thing.
Still, look at the flip side. Take all of these early entrants. Imagine if they had all stayed in college. I'm sure a few of them would have failed, or been injured. Now, we are talking about a kid who crippled his future by going to college. The worst early entrant flop will still make 2-3 million dollars by the time he can drink legally.
Travis Outlaw can retire from the NBA today, buy his mother a cul-de-sac, and have plenty of money left over to go to the local state college. He will have the leisure time to properly pursue his studies. He'll be able to afford tuition, books, and all that other junk. He won't have to work full-time to put himself through college. He won't finish college buried by loans. He will have done perfectly well for himself.
Or he could piss his money away. Gin Baker did 4 years of college, and drank himself out of the league. Travis becomes a free agent at 22 years old or so, and may get another contract from somebody. If not, he's a 22 year old millionaire, free to go study Sociology at LSU.
Stacey,
How can I get an email to you?
wbrezy@aol.com
I think you have a great mastery of the English language and you give some truely unique insight to the sports world, not to mention you give Colorado a good name. Not that it had a bad name, but Texas is better, or course. Keep it up, I will continue to read. It's nice to see a girl who cares about sports, it's a real turn on.
The teacher in me wants you to figure out how to email me.
Mother always told me that the boys wanted a girl who could discuss press cornerbacks and high-post offense. We girls actually talk about sports all the time. We only talk about shopping and cooking when the guys are around. Keeps them on their toes, no?
When we go to the bathroom together, it is usually sports-related. Most women's bathrooms have ESPN.
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