Fixed?

   People think David Stern wants the Lakers to win. Some have gone so far as to say that he is intervening on their behalf. These people are wrong. In fact, Stern needs to have Los Angeles lose more. I'll explain in a minute, but know that this series is fixed like a lazy dog. 

   LA is far superior to Detroit. Stern can't get a Boston/LA-type series that people in Iowa get worked up over. His ratings show it, as does the word on the street. He has another problem, now: a potential rout.

   Played squarely, this one is over in 4 games. Low ratings for less time. 4 games produce farrrrrrrr less advertising revenue than 7 games. That equates to ABC laughing out loud the next time Stern goes to negotiate a TV deal.

   Remember when Mike Tyson was good? PPV lost a lot of money, because nobody is gonna pay $49.95 to watch Iron Mike go all OJ on some poor club fighter and finish him off in 1 round. That's like 75 cents a second, which is roughly the charge for a 1-900 call...or so I'm told.

   The NBA faces the same quandry. People are seeing a romp by an unlikable bunch of California millionaires, and they start tuning into NASCAR, hockey, the Belmont Stakes, UPN and WWE. This is a bad scene when you are in the Entertainment business, and Stern's momma didn't raise no fool.

   In the end, all it took was a simple phone call to Kobe Bryant. Kobe will be in the NBA for a long time, provided he wins his Cape Rase. Stern merely mentioned the revenue idea, and the sophisticated Bryant immediately understood the implications. After a quick call to Vegas, Kobe was ready to throw Game 1 of the 2004 NBA Finals.

   Sunday night comes, and Kobe was laying more bricks than a Nymphomasonac. 10-27, against the Artist Formerly Known as Prince. Kobe got off more shots than Jesse James, while the innocent Shaq made 85% of the 13 or so shots he managed to get off. Shaq looked like a guy who got in line behind Ruben Stoddard at a buffet.

   I wrestle my husband sometimes. He's 6'5", and I'm 5'1". If I jump off something onto him, I actually seem to be winning for a while...until he finally just picks me up and holds me over his head. Theoutcome is never in doubt for him. If he sells an ass-whuppin' for awhile, I tire enough so that he can go play XBox or fish without me nagging at him to fix this or get me that. He wins by losing...and he's only losing for a little while.

   Kobe, who knows a thing or two about taking women by force, is operating by this very principle. Expect LA to lose 3 games this series...3 games in which Bryant shoots a combined 27/108. In Game 7, Kobe will shoot 34/37 to clean up his FG%. He then leaves LA, and signs with New York.

   Sometimes, good things have bad beginnings. Malcolm X did jail time. Jennifer Aniston's first film was Leprechaun. The USA was built on slave labor, immigrant exploitation, and land-theft from the Aboriginals. The NBA has simply stooped to the level where it has to Play Dirty. They'll reward you with a heated East-West rivalry. You'll thank them later.