Eccentricity

   I can feel for Phil Jackson. He is about to have his reputation besmirched. He has the horses, but he is being totally out-coached. If Jackson were 8 years old, Larry Brown would probably be getting a visit from a social worker- he has simply abused the Zen Master. Phil has Zenned his team away from giving the ball to Shaq 30 times a game, and he is being laughed at across the world because of it.

   When I was going 1-36 coaching a high school team, my friends tried to encourage me. Most efforts met with failure, but that was more a matter of my school having only 25 kids. Still, I did get one gem of a coaching strategy- act insane.

   The Boston Patriots had a lot of rough years. One year, they had a man named Clive Rush coach the team. Clive nearly electrocuted himself while doing a press conference, but that is a story for another post.

   Clive had a game against a legendary NFL coach- it was before my time, but I seem to think it was Paul Brown. Clive had no illusions of out-coaching Brown, so he decided to try to get into his head.

   Just before the game, he called a benchwarmer over to him. "Paul Brown is a genius. He has visualized this game, play by play, and has strategies to counter any possible moves I will make. Therefore, I will make moves that he couldn't possibly have forseen."

   What this move turned out to be was having the benchwarmer run out to the huddle, stay for 10 seconds, then get back off the field before the play started. Rush had to be talked out of punting on second down. It was sort of like Bizarro football, with Clive doing everything wrong, on purpose. This strategy is credited with turning the betting line of a 14 point loss into an actual 13 point loss.

  This benchwarmer later played for Paul Brown, and related the story to him. Brown recalled the game, and remarked, "I always wondered what the Hell he was doing over there." Rush, incidentally, was later institutionalized.

   Acting insane isn't always as crazy as it sounds. Many great historical figures were thought to be mad. Jesus was killed as a rabble-rouser. People laughed at the flying fantasies of the Wright Brothers. Imagine if Ahhhhhhnold had told you of his Gubernatorial aspirations in 1980- you'd have thought it was a steroid-induced fantasy.

   If you study enough Viking history, you will come across the story of Freydis. Freydis was a beautiful woman by Norse standards- meaning she was huge, and capable of bearing many children. The daughter of Eric the Red, she was a giantess who made a tour of pre-Columbus America.

   During her stay somewhere between Newfoundland and Rhode Island, her party was attacked by Skraelings- the Viking name for the aboriginal population of America, and the first European racial slur uttered in the future Land of the Free. The Skraelings had a tremendous numerical advantage, and were laying waste to the Vikings. Then, Freydis picked up a sword off a fallen Norseman.

   "Why do you run from these wretches?" she shouted. She then ripped off her top and entered the battle. The Skraelings- probably some sub-tribe of Algonquin- took one look at the crazed, nude giantess and split like two aces.

   Native Americans often viewed the mentally ill as the Chosen People of the Gods. The Wampanoag have a term for insanity that sounds sort of nothing like Owtulunch, and it means "those who walk the path of the Spirits". Obviously taking Freydis to be Owtulunch, the Skraeling fled from her in abject terror.

   Freydis would have power-bombed Joan of Arc, but Joan also benefitted by having her opponents think that she was insane. The English were sure she was a witch, eventually burning her as such. Before they did, the Maid whipped limey ass all over France. Joan had visions, dressed as a man, and basically intimidated her way to victory. She never killed a man- she didn't have to.  

   If Phil Jackson is allowed to return to the Laker bench next year, he should delve into history(Phil is an avid historian), and consider putting the Fear back into his opponents. As for now, he should be forced to kneel towards Auerbach and recite his Oath of Inferiority.