Oh, The Places You'll Go...

AOL News - LeBron Proves to Be No Match for Dr. Seuss

   My school used to give a copy of the Dr. Seuss classic "Oh, The Places You'll Go" to graduating students, usually with some teacherly advice scrawled on the inside cover:

- Never play cards with someone named after a city

- Never say a word until your lawyer arrives (it was a pretty rough school)

- Red wine with beef, white wine with seafood

- Take the head, and the body will fall

- But low, sell high

   You get the picture. It wasn't that much more expensive than a card, and it generally had cooler pictures. It was also a cherished totem of their receding childhood, and I will always have a warm place in my heart for that book.

    One thing I was never able to do was to get LeBron James to come in to read it to them. This is excusable, since I taught in Massachusetts, and he plays in Ohio.

   This saved me the bother of explaining to the skipped-college millionaire how to pronounce "Mordecai," which is sort of like "border pie," but not really.

   James most likely isn't the first guy to tangle his tongue reading Seuss, and he desereves more attention for taking time out of his day to read to kids than he does for tripping over "Be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea, you're off to Great Places!"

 

AOL News - Warriors Fire PR Manager for Racially Insensitive E-Mail

  On the other hand, this dude is the first guy I've seen fired over forwarding the Ghetto Prom pictures. The Golden State Warriors cast aside the guy who sent these shots out on the Internet with a Warriors.com address that no doubt was forwarded all around the country.

   My students always wanted to have a prom, even though our school had only 20 male students. "We can import girls from Cambridge," as one student told me. "It's sort of like the US dependence on fossil fuels, except that I can get brains after."

   I nixed his idea, and took them all to IHOP instead. It was probably for the best.

Damn White People...