Sunday, September 11, 2005

NFL Style Rankings

http://3martini.typepad.com/3martini/2004/12/the_10_ugliest__1.html

Great article... great idea for an article.... great big problem.

Most men don't "get" style. Some do, but most don't. Even if you watch that Queer Plan For The Straight Man dress-up show... the people usually look quite silly when they're finished with them. Again, this might be one of those French things, I'll admit that up front... although I'll also admit that I'm wearing a hockey shirt and sweatpants at the moment. If that article was in Cosmopolitan...or even GQ with the right author.... we'd be looking at a Pulitzer Prize, at worst.

This is one of those seemingly non-essential stats that have a tremendous bearing on how the game ends up working out. "Best thighs on the pro tennis tour" might seem goofy, but Serena can bang out 120 mph serves (a strong Category 3 storm). The guy who wrote "Real Men Wear Black" never saw The Cure, but imagine how intimidating it would be to look up from the line of scrimmage in a tight game against the pink/pastel blue jerseys of the Oakland Raiders. While we're at it, imagine Ted Washington in a pink/white jersey.... he'd look like someone shot Hyper-Andro into a Good and Plenty.

This is why, along with some good psychology and bad stereotyping, we see the games the way we do. My friend Tammy doesn't root for local teams, nor does she root for teams with particularly compelling players... she roots for whoever has the better jersey. In her own way, I suppose she has as much fun watching a game as I do...

Either way... I'm interested to see what girls think on this subject, and I plan to place this link in the right spots to find out. feel free to comment on who you like or don't like. I've been a sports fan too long.. I can't offer an impartial opinion without thinking of players on the team I like, or times they beat on the Patriots. Aside from the skirt, the cooking skills, the hairstyle and the husband, I'm almost one of Them.

Other sports, briefly:

Amazingly, I think that the Boston Celtics' white uniform is the best in the NBA... AND the all green one is the worst.

There are no cool baseball uniforms. They look silly. They have no functionality. Only the cap, which is a splendid American institution, saves the look. Everyone should own at least one baseball hat, and most people should have several.

From the waist up, hockey players have the coolest uniforms. From the waist down, they look like they're going sledding. Who's idea was it to put SHORTS on people who will work on ICE?? No wonder they fight so much....

Here's the NFL teams, jersey by jersey...except for New Jersey, which doesn't have a new jersey, let alone a New Jersey jersey)

^ New England Patriots (I liked the other two Looks better, but they still rock...if you don't like them, you're a longhaired commie-type pinko )

 

Oakland Raiders

 

New York Giants

Pittsburgh Steelers

Indianapolis Colts

Cincinnati Bengals

New Orleans Saints (no sentimental votes, though I personally always liked their Look)

 

Miami Dolphins

Detroit Lions

Houston Texans

Minnesota Vikings

Kansas City Chiefs

New York Jets

Dallas Cowboys

 

Cleveland Browns (only kept from the bottom because someone prolly was gonna change it, but they kept it around for tradition)

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Atlanta Falcons

 

Baltimore Ravens

Philadelphia Eagles

Green Bay Packers

 

San Francisco 49ers

Arizona Cardinals

Chicago Bears

St. Louis Rams

Jacksonville Jaguars

Carolina Panthers

San Diego Chargers (cool old school unis, though)

Seattle Seahwaks

 

Buffalo Bills (they had a cool look when they were losing 4 straight, but this new look is Offensive To God)

Washington Redskins (get that racial slur off the helmet, and then we can talk color scheme)

Tennessee Titans (I'd give him a cat bath just to get him out of that goofy uniform.... well, maybe not JUST)

Denver Broncos (I wouldn't wear this uniform to a s**t fight)

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

I agree, the Saint's uniform has been a favorite of mine, along with the Packers and 49ers.............(side note) I see you are at a point where you have to hand deliver your blog to certain rooms ;>)

Anonymous said...

I'm shooting for a certain demographic.

Anonymous said...

You know there was something you missed...why not have sponsors like NASCAR! HA!! I mean McDonald's sponsoring a team hmmmm. Then we can watch more football & not have to go to comercials! :-) I know I just gave a HUGE free tip to companies & I won't get a penny for it now! Well this is proof so I can go after them! :-) Now, they do not have to wear hot pink like you are suggesting...don't have to have a Tampon sponsor! Did you hear Jeff Foxworthy (I think it was him) on Tampon sponsoring female racecar drivers! Ha! Funny but why not...I mean they have Viagra sponsors so! Now wouldn't that be funny...Viagra being the sponsor of these big tough guys! Ha! Lets just go crazy with this...we can have cop cars with sponsers...god knows they don't paid enough from the govt! Schools sponsored! The Martha Stewart School of Home Design! I mean that really happens to some degree anyway just take it further. Only down side is the obvious invested interest & power idea! But heck you can get other sponsors! Basically the owner is a sponser now! Whatever they do they have to have functionality as well. I think there helmets should have indications of how well they do like high school (does college?) I mean when you go some huge skull & crossbones that is fun! Ha! You can have other advertising.....have them sponsor or donate...every tackle gets $100 for some charity. Maybe everyone can sponsor each other...schools are sponsored on players uniforms & they get money...then the school has players sponsored like the Rodham Library (had to make it funny!) and they come talk to the schools & raise money. Then the cop protect the players (wait maybe that needs to be the other way around!) and the players sponsor the cops...there are just endless amounts of possibilities! Lets try to make it all healthy & good though...I'm having some fun here to make a point! Well, you did ask! :-)

Anonymous said...

Ha! This was a great article! Very interesting, amuzing etc! Now what do I think? Many things of course! Now I would have to say at times I do not like what Queer Eye does to the guys but most of the time they do look just a whole lot better just taking care of themselves...yes not the sweets & t-shirt! YES, this would go for females too. Next, is Football about winning, targeted audience or what? Perhaps the "or what!" :-) Probably all of the above & if you want to target more audience or different audience this is important also. There are a few I do like or...don't mind. I don't mind the Redskins & the Bears, the Bengals one you have is different than the original article. I do like the strip on the leg and colors. Now functionality....ah I remember trying sooo hard to get grass stains out of my brothers white pants for like 9 yrs so I can see why that might not be ideal. Now black in the heat? I know women generally like white....no comment! ;-) (continue...)

Anonymous said...

Carolina defensive end Julius Peppers is donating $5,000 for every opponent's spleen he ruptures.

Anonymous said...

Okay.  Since you're twisting arms.

I like the Bears' nod to their history:  GSH

I like the Colts' clean, bright, crisp look.  Too bad I hate them.

The Falcons look like they should be in the preliminary round of Olympic figure skating.

Houston, Buffalo, Detroit and the Giants look like they grabbed theirs during the blue light special at the dollar store.

While I like purple in theory, the Vikings have Moss growing all over theirs.

And the Pack looks like a jello mold gone terribly wrong.

You're welcome.

~~ jennifer

Anonymous said...

    I guess I am more interested in what they look like underneath all that stuff. Me bad ..... Tina

Anonymous said...

yea, i'm with seeing what's under those uniforms ;-)  personally, I like the colors the redskins wear.  

Anonymous said...

they all look the same.

I like baseball uniforms you fool! They are cute and tight. Yankees BY FAR have the best uniform.

sup mon.

Anonymous said...

1.Cowboys

2.Saints

3.Falcons


-Lashawn

Anonymous said...

Dear Monponsett,
oh okeydokey...
looking ' good...1.Detroit Lions
                       2. NY Giants
                        3. Dallas Cowboys
                          4. Caroline Panthers
love ,nat

Anonymous said...

okay :  1.  49er's   2.  Rams  3.  Raiders  I like the tight buns the best  Blessings, Penny  http://journals.aol.com/firestormkids04/FromHeretoThere

Anonymous said...

This was a great entry and loved the pictures and your commentaries about the teams' uniforms :)

betty