God Shall Provide...

http://www.trinitychurchonline.net/

  Dear Pastor Sprague,

   I have an AOL Sports Journal (see the link at the bottom). I may have emailed your administrative assisstant. I'm assuming you didn't get all deaded on in the storm, as the church website has updated....

The reason I'm writing you is to get some links to help y'all out down there. I can't do much, but I can do this: This page has "adopted" the town of Covington.

   We're trying to find a link or a mailing address to an aid organization for Covington's storm victims. If you can come across one, please send it up here to Cape Cod, and we'll give it national exposure. We have a fairly powerful voice here(like 10-15 people read my page semi-regularly), and we only need something to shout about.

   God Bless...and let me know if there's anything I can do personally.

   Stacey      

PS.... Could you put in a good word for me with the Big Guy? I may or may not have threatened a newspaper editor if he tried to line his own pockets by giving my charity-helping friends a link to his bank account. I wasn't totally serious when I did it, but charities can't afford to mess around. Some people you beg, some people you bully, you know?  

Either way... I was trying to do God's work, and I'm hoping you can explain it to Him better than I can. Much obliged...    ************************************************************************

Friend,

Call me at 9****94 at home. We need all the help we can get in Covington.

Betting the farm on God ,
Pastor Michael   **********************************************************************  

       Dear Pastor Sprague,

       I will call you on Sunday at some time. It's 11:30 PM here in Massachusetts, and you should get some rest. Those people need a perky, butt-kicking man of God...not one with baggy eyes who is nodding off when they try talk to him.

   Don't argue with me on this one- you may be a Pastor, but I'm a Mom.... and Mothers outrank Pastors when matters of physical well being are on the table. I'd tell God himself to take a bowl of chicken soup if he looked peaked, and I'd stare at him til He finished it.

       If you know Cynthia *******, tell her we'll come down and help her out personally if she needs it. She is also welcome to stay with us, if she can tolerate New England winters.She can reach Stephen or myself by calling collect at 508-*****. She can call 24-7. I'll swim through Pontchartrain myself to hand her $10000 if she's in any sort of trouble, and I'll fly her whole family to Massachusetts, as well.

       Covington, Kentucky- which has adopted Covington, Louisiana as a sister city- is sending food, firefighters, medicine, and clothing. Buzzards Bay, Massachusetts has also adopted you, and is sending help. We are also trying to put the squeeze on the tourists (Buzzards Bay is on Cape Cod in Massachusetts). I'll put links to your site (semi-legally) all over AOL, and like seventy billion people will be exposed to the chance to help Covington personally.

       I'm just a writer, and not that many people read my page.... but we can make something happen. I have a good feeling about this. I'll be honest- my Saturday nights are usually spent drinking, gambling, etc... but tonight, I'm writing a letter to a Pastor to help storm victims that I'll never meet. If the Bible doesn't have a part where someone Wicked gets a heart of gold and does something nice, it should. Maybe they can dig around harder in Israel, or something.

       We can kick that one around later.  I can't handle anymoney personally, though I will do everything in my power to get a Covington charity all over the bloody Internet. I have my Ways.

      What I need from you (as if you don't have enough to do, huh?) is for you to put some kind of address on your church's website where people can send money. While I hate to put a deadline on a Man of God, it'd be better for us all if you could get this done for me by... say... yesterday.

       I have a keen sense of what's  important, Pastor... and I have no aversion to taking the Low Road, if need be. God and I can discuss Ends and Means later, after we make sure all the babies are fed. In His infinite wisdom, I think he's already sort of pointed me in the right direction and turned me loose to do what I do well. Get an address up, and let me start helping you.

        So, again....go out right now and:  

A) Get an address on your website where I can have people send money. Even the mailing address of your church will be good, as long as you know what to do with incoming funds. I don't know anything legal about fundraising, but I'll get you the money first, and worry about getting sued later.A good lawsuit now and then is fashionable  in Massachusetts.  

B) Tell Cynthia M******* that we love her, and that we're here if she needs us.  

C) Avoid New Orleans like the Whore of Babylon herself. People are shooting at the Red Cross, which should tell you all you need to know. That whole pastor act won't get you 4 blocks in the Big Easy these days.  

D) Do all that other stuff you're already doing. God bless you all.  

E) Remember that as hard as it must be right now....people are counting on you. You need to be visible, my man...  

F) Send me an email when the address is up on your site.  

G) Nothing. There is no 7th thing.       

Contact me immediately if I can do  anything for you, no matter how large or how small. I'm not wealthy... but I'm utterly ruthless, I won't take no for an answer, and I don't really mess around at all when a job needs doing. I plan on helping so much, you'll forget that whole losing-the-Civil-War thing. I'll go out on Covington's behalf and kick so much butt that it really won't be safe to turn your back on me.

       Katrina is a sea breeze in Portugal, now. You guys are still standing, you're getting stronger every minute, and it's always darkest before the dawn.     

   Feel free to just read this letter to your crowd if all the flood stuff prevents you from sitting down and writing a truly Time of Crisis kind of sermon. It's not really an inspiring speech I wrote here, but they might get a laugh or two.... and they could use it. At least they'll know that Massachusetts loves them.

       Get the power back on, and I'll fly down there and buy you a fat steak this time next year. You can keep that jambalya stuff, though... I ty to avoid eating meat that I can't immediately identify. I expect you guys to have that town spotless  for my arrival.       

Love,       

Stacey      

*******************************************************

Friend, Stacey;

What a good day.  I met with Jim Snyder who is the head of Compassion Ministries for 1400 plus churches with the Evangelical Free Church.  Trinity Church will be used as a staging area for relief efforts throughout the North shore and New Orleans region.  Several staff with the Evangelical Free Church will join our staff over the next 6 to 9 months to coordinate these efforts.  Specific information is available on our website, www.trinitychurchonline.net on how people from across the country can get involved giving, sending supplies and manpower.

  - Last night I had dinner with a man whose brother-in-law fled to Houston with his family. On
the way they realized all their money was gone. Imagine no money, not knowing what's next for
their family. Of course, this puts a little stress on marital communication and in the midst
of an argument the man hits 75 in a 45 mph zone and sees flashing lights. The family pulls
over. The wife looks out of the back window and sees her husband sobbing and the policeman
patting him on the shoulder.
Shortly after her husband walks up the car carrying a wad of cash. The officer had emptied his
wallet into this man's life. Wow! My guess is that they didn't report this on television.


Work is progressing.  Most of the staff is back and we are getting mobilized.  One of the guys brought a team into a local town to clean up peoples homes. 

 The mayor was astounded at the generosity.  He said, “I used to think all Christians were hypocrites, but now I’m thinking otherwise.”  That’s what happens when work is done in the name of Jesus.
  Pastor Michael

P.S.   A possible answer to prayer.  Since writing this letter God may have provided a 20,000 square foot warehouse.  Pray for the 8 am meeting tomorrow morning.  Prayer for a compassionate, generous CEO.

Also pray for the 12 police officers who are coming in momentarily to help wit relief efforts from Indiana      

PPS. You need to get to church, young lady.

************************************************************************

 Dear Pastor,  

I've posted those links all over the Internet. Next to Jesus, the new Pope, and Moses, you are now the fourth most well-known person in Christianity. Hail Mary may pass you once football season gets rolling, but you have John The Baptist pretty much boxed out.

  I also gave your address to some Hell's Angels people I know, if you need someone to collect relief funds among the tighter-fisted people in your community. "K-Dog" is the one you'll have the best chance of communicating with. They tend to live off the land when they travel, so you may need to have some food ready by, say, Sunday or so.

   If that CEO guy is at all cheap with you tomorrow morning, give me his phone number- or better yet, his physical address- and I will go down there and give him a verbal beating that George Patton would be impressed by. I can also have K-Dog bust up his office, but I'd rather not have you implicated in what I guess would end up being an armed assault.... at best.

   Some things are better handled by Pastors, and some things are better handled by somone who has no problem at all with splashing this dude's name on the Internet with the term "Cheap SOB" written next to it... or with sending a huge biker over to put him through a wall.  I will also call his office personally, and I will call  the local papers wherever he lives until I find someone who despises him as much as I do. I think we each know our role in this particular equation.

   If not, I'll spell it out for you. I'll grab him by his figurative feet, turn him upside down,and shake him until money pours out of his ears in a torrent of $100 bills.....and you pray for him afterwards.

 God forgives... I give God stuff to  forgive.

   Call me the moment this guy hesitates, and I'll rip his liver out... in a figurative sense, of course. God works in many a strange and wondrous way... 

  Love,

   Stacey