Monday, March 14, 2005

Little Known NCAA Tournament Facts


- "Bucknell" is Dutch for "has no chance at all."

- If IQ had tangible mass, the court would tip up like a see-saw during huddles in the Stanford/Mississippi State game

- The last time this many pumped-up white people came to Albuquerque, it was just about to stop belonging to Mexico.

- Vermont was disqualified from a preseason game when the ref found syrup on the hands of several Vermont players.

- Go ahead....tell me where either Gonzaga or Winthrop are...

- Central Florida had to change their team name in 1958 after poor public reception of their Klansman mascot.

- There was a fire at the Alabama library, but they saved both copies of Curious George.

- a "Blue Devil" is a gay bar umbrella drink

- If Rick Pitino loses in Albuquerque, he'll be so upset that he'll cross the border and begin to beat Mexicans.

- say "Gonzaga" after someone sneezes, and see if they thank you.

- Whoever wins the NC State/Charlotte game takes home the Fife Trophy as the best secondary team in Carolina.

- While the UAB/LSU game might be boring to you, you can make 175 points in Scrabble if you hang those letters on a Triple Word Score. 

- People at Northern Iowa are very snobby towards people from Central and Southern Iowa.

- No one named "Hatfield" or "McCoy" will be allowed to attend the Kentucky/Eastern Kentucky game.

- When Niagra loses to Oklahoma, the newspapers will say "Niagra Falls."

- The Washington/Montana game can't be fixed, because the Mafia hasn't made it out there yet.

- 54% of all Americans are upset when George Washington loses to William and Mary.

- A degree from Alabama A&M comes with a free bowl of soup

- Farleigh-Dickinson turned down a seven figure offer to rename themselves "Harley Davidson."

- Say "Gonzaga" loudly in Japan, and Tokyo will evacuate.

- The owner of the Oakland team is threatening to move it to Los Angeles.

- The FDA estimates that there will be 15,000 pounds of chewing tobacco in the audience during the Oklahoma State/SW Louisiana game.

- Creighton fans can consolethemselves with a night on the town in New Mexico after they lose.

- Albuquerque is using this NCAA exposure in their bid to bring the 2016 Olympic games to New Mexico

- Mexican authorities have lined the border to prevent any Americans from sneaking into Mexico after the Albuquerque regional.

- Bookies currently have a "who cares?" betting line on the Winthrop/Gonzaga game

- New Mexicans call everyone from north of Colorado "Lower Canadians."

- Wayne Simien doesn't understand why he gets asked to pose with bananas a lot.

- Chris Paul has delivered several low blows in his career, and considers his latest one to be a "7.5." Said the mercurial guard, "You get an automatic 7 points for caving a guy in,,,,after that, the score is raised by how long he can't breathe properly."

- Bobby Knight's contract at Texas Tech prohibits him from attacking players, fans, coaches or media. Look for Bobby to find a loophole, and attack the UCLA mascot once things get out of hand.

- Imagine a guy with Bobby Knight's temper on steroids? He'd bust straight out of that sweater like the Hulk.

- A bet between the governors of Washington and Montana will force the loser to spend a Saturday driving into logging camps with a "Save The Trees: Kill A Lumberjack" bumper-stickered Honda.

- Wilt Chamberlain claimed that an initiation ritual in Kansas sororities during his time in college was called Scaling Mount Chamberlain. "I had me more corn-fed white girls than a Nebraska nursing program" said the Stilt.




nclrbrt said...

This is a good one, Stace.  Witty without being too terribly acerbic.  I'm sure my approval will set your heart all a-flutter  (lol) but I've got to give credit where credit is due.  You were a little hard on our southern brethren and sisteren;  good for you!  The Fife Trophy!  You're evil.

I'll tell you a little about Northern Iowa.  UNI is the third ( and smallest) state university in Iowa.  It was originally known as Iowa State Teachers' College, became the State College of Iowa, and eventually a full fledged university.  When
it upgraded to university status a new name was called for to recognize that status.
Since Iowa State University and the University of Iowa were already taken, the
Board of Regents gave UNI a name that reflected its location in the northern part
of the state, Ames and Iowa City being in central to southern Iowa.  Iowa is such a parochial state that each U has its fans that constantly complain about the recognition that either of the other two get..  I'm just glad to see any or all of them do well.  Since the Cyclones', Hawkeyes', and Panthers' stays in the tournament are likely to be short (each team is capable of beating anyone or losing badly to anyone), most Iowans are happy to see all three get a shot.  And they're all likely to be very good teams next year, too.  Keep a close eye on the Hawks and Cyclones next season.  They should both be REAL good.

Anyhow, nice list, kid.     Bob

gsbrumley said...

Hey, you visited my BLOG ( and I wanted you to know I just posted about yours: so enjoy everyone!  :~)  Gina :~)  

too2normal said...

Boy how big is your head getting. YOu Get DAP from everywhere.  Congrats.

too2normal said...

WAR Oakland U making it to the Play in Game.  God rest our soul this sub .500 teams makes it to the tourney.

monponsett said...

The whole town of Monponsett breathlessly awaits the impossible Big Dance appearance of Bridgewater State Teacher's College.

cneinhorn said...

well, I'm dutch and have never heard the term "bucknell"...."null" however means zero, nada, nothing, zip!