Imminent Senate Hearing Quotes

- "Senator...if there was some drug available that would let you make speeches like Winston Churchill, wouldn't you have been on board?"

- "I don't hear you when you say 'used steroids'....I refer to it as 'getting big,' Senator."

- "You backstabbing son of a bitch! I donated $5000 to your campaign."

- "Before I answer that, let me tell you about going yard on Madonna."

- "Without steroids, I start listening to the Indigo Girls and voting Democrat."

- "Why isn't Governor Schwarzenegger here?"

- "I plead the 11th....I ain't sayin' s*** till you get Barry Bonds in here."

- "Didn't you sodomize a congressional page?"

- "Take a supplement to hit home runs = Senate Hearing.......Lying to the country to start a war that murders 1500 Americans = Nothing."

- "Mr. Schilling was only invited here to up the "Old White Guy" count among the defendants."

- "I will answer no questions from a man who dumped a woman in the hahbahhhh at Martha's Vineyard."

- "My agent told me I was trying out for the Washington Senators."

- "Jayson Williams called....he wants Ted Kennedy's lawyer."

- "You may be asking the questions, Senator...but I have my own bobblehead doll."

- "Now that I have all of you here, would someone please explain the Florida ballot to me?"

- "We were going to invite Ichiro, but he makes Senator McCain nervous."

- "I'll check the Constitution, but I'm pretty sure that we can't use these guys in the Senate/House of Representatives softball game."

- "Senator Helms...didn't I see you at the Vibe Awards?"

- "It's not like I blew off somebody's head....ooops, sorry, Senator Kennedy."

- "I brought this little baseball bat for Senator Dole's mangled hand....and where is he?"

- "Mr. Giambi asked me to get the hypodermic needle he left in the White House when the President had him over after the 2002 series."

- "I like the nice, broad back the steroids give me, Senator....my wife says I have a 'Chinese Swimmer' look."

- "I thought Cal Ripken was the President."

- "I know it's none of my business, Senator Clinton....but you should have beat that Lewinsky girl's ass."