NBA Stuff

All Missing the Playoff Team:

PF- Kevin Garnett

SF- Lebron James

SG- Kobe Bryant

PG- Stephon Marbury

C- Zydrunas Ilgauskus


Mark Cuban Questions

- Did you get rid of Steve Nash because he'd corner you on the team flights and try to talk about hockey all the time?

- Does Shawn Bradley invent fictitious Mormon religious holidays to skip team events with? "I can't do the United Way thing tomorrow, Mark....it's Steve Young Day."

- Is there any truth to the rumor that Josh Howard is so dumb, he got caught sneaking into Mexico?

- Did Mark Cuban have to buy an extra-large metal detector for the RoyTarpley "Give me my job back" interview? Was anything missing after he left?

- Do the Dallas guys still call the Mavericks the "African Handball" team?

- Mr. Cuban.......Jim Grey told me to ask you if people are still mad about the Nash fiasco?

- Will Dallas be retiring the number of any other moderately talented white shooting guards soon?

- I have an idea for a reality show.....this billionaire steals some other guy's idea, and his show ends up in the can after half a season.

- When he dumped Raef LaFrenz and his 60 million dollar contract on Boston, did Cuban have a cigarette after the trade went through?

- I heard that Dirk Nowitzki threatened to quit when Cuban insisted upon featuring him in the media guide with the nickname, "the Diggler." True?

- Does a vein still pop up in Cuban's forehead the instant someone says, "Micheal Finley's contract" any more?

- Does Nowitzki still celebrate Hitler's birthday?

- Does he have special Tall People furniture he breaks out when Dirk or Erick Dampier come over?

- How many wives does Shawn Bradley have?

- pronounce the nae of the Russian guy Dallas took in the first round last year (Pavel Podkolzin)

- If Pavel Podkolzin doesn't work out, will you hire him to play Frankenstein at the Benefactor II Halloween party?

- When Micheal Finley stops by the office to pick up his paycheck, does he wear a bank robber mask?

- If you somehow could have worked the Jerry Stackhouse parking lot attack on Kirk Snyder into your reality show, you would have got Cosby -like ratings.

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Suggested Dismissal Lines For Benefactor II

- "I'm sorry....the other contestant has nicer breasts."

- "You can only ride the Token Black Contestant for so many episodes, son..."

- "Get to steppin"

- "Go try Amazing Race II "

- "You're actually quite talented, but I already have a Jew."

- "If I ever start a show called Ruin My Business, I'll be calling you."

- "You're fired.......now if you don't mind, I have to go interfere with Avery Johnson's huddle."

- "Try to care what I think while I light a cigar with your resume."

- "If it makes you feel better, tell yourself I fired you because you're Catholic."

- "If you have any surgery you need done, I'd suggest doing it before my secretary terminates your health care plan."

- "If you grow another 2 feet, I have a basketball team you could try out for."

- "You're fired....but I am a kind man, and I'll be generous when I tip you at the IHOP that's in your future."