Vivi-Section

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   Gimme a "M!!!"

   The Smurf took the 2005 Best Sports Journal at the Vivi Awards last night. I'd like to thank all the good people of Journalville who hung a chad for me.

   I shouldn't have won. Even though I was nominated 3 times in the same category, the other nominess deserved it more.

   Sportz should have won before I did. Look at his blog, then look at mine- who is doing the better sportzwriting? He's a machine, simple and plain. I get half of my ideas simply by checking out his page.

   The best part about a Sportz Vivi win would be the fact that- and I know Sportz pretty well- he wouldn't give a damn, and would most likely be annoyed by the email notification.

   There's two types of people in this world, kids...there are people who need emails with "Congrats, sweety! HUGGGGGGGGGGGGG!! " in them, and there are people who would much rather not be bothered during a Celtics overtime game.

   That's a true sportswriter, and I don't think that I even need to tell fans of this page which category Sportz would fall into.

   Alex and his blog made it onto both the Today Show  and the Tonight Show. He got to dodge Leno's chin, try to look up Katie Couric's skirt, and got off a scathing one-liner on Larry The Cable Guy- whoever the eff that is. I put myself in the AOL Journals Hall Of Fame for lesser reasons.

   Speaking of insulting famous people. I actually got off a few good ones when Barry Bonds was near me at the 2004 All Star Game, but only like 100 people heard it... Bonds actually looked up and laughed, once. The joke was either "I guess this place IS the Juice Box, now!" or "Even my unborn child thinks you're on steroids!"

   He then gave me the finger... but his hand was wrapped in a baseball glove at the time, so the effect was more like a wave (I pointed this out to him). Big, rich and dumb... just how I like them.

   When I was about Alex's age (or maybe even a little younger), I stayed up to watch the Grammy Awards. While the politics of a Grammy escaped me at the time, the big story that year was how Jethro Tull beat Metallica for what I think was the Best Heavy Metal award.

   For those of you who aren't into Heavy Metal, Metallica- at the time- was like 5 young dudes who played as loudly and heavily as possible. One ranks right up at the top of Heavy Metal songs- sort of a slow buildup to a ferocious guitar solo coda. Picture a much darker Freebird, and you'd be on the right track.

   Jethro Tull, on the other hand, were like 60 years old, had a guy with a flute, and haven't had a good song since before Reagan. If you told me that Jethro Tull's members had grand kids that weren't allowed to listen to bands like Metallica, I wouldn't have questioned it.

   Jethro Tull is named after the guy who invented the Seed Drill (which forces seed into the ground, saving it from Europe's hungry bird population) in 1700, in case you were ever wondering. Watching them in action, you'd think the real JT might be the bass player.

   Still, Jethro got the Grammy, and Metallica had to live to fight another day. My father- who listened to French music, which sounds like someone was beating Pepe LePeu with a guitar while he leaned on a piano- told me that Metallica were just kids, and that they would probably win several awards before they broke up or ODd. You need to know people in this business, as they say in Hollywood.

   Well, Alex and Sportz just got Jethro Tull'd last night. Don't think that I didn't love winning a Vivi- I just know where my bread is buttered. I slept easily last night simply by knowing that the day of Alex will come, and that  Sportz wasn't disturbed while trying to concentrate on college football.

Check out some of the people who won the vote:

http://journals.aol.com/pattboy92/VIVIAwards/entries/428