From the Best Sports Town in America....

Well, I'll be darned.

The Sporting News has voted Boston the best sports town in America...for the second of three years.

http://aolsvc.news.aol.com/sports/article.adp?id=20040803063809990001

Is this true?

I like to think so, but I am so parochial, I really doubt my ability to stay neutral. I'll try. Let's be negative, first.

- The Patriots haven't played in Boston since we were bombing Laos.

- The Red Sox own the worst Curse anyone not named Tecumseh has ever heard of.

- The Celtics are in a 20 year title drought. While they made the playoffs last year, they got run out like a cur.

- The Bruins refuse to spend money on free agents, and haven't won the Cup in my lifetime. That doesn't stop me from sticking up for Bobby Orr- who retired before I was born- in Mr. Irrelevant's blog.

- While things have calmed down recently, the Pats fans are very rowdy. I was nearly vomited upon at a Pats game(a drunk sitting behind me bellowed "Bledsoe suckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkks", with the vomit projecting forth about the 7th "k" or so...if I was 5 foot 6, I'd have had second-hand beer in my hair...to his credit, the guy kept drinking).

- The only car racing we have is on Route 128, when it's cold outside.

- Many blacks refuse to play here.

- Rap posses stab our shooting guards.

- To my knowledge, Nomar has no "h" at the end. He has probably never heard his name pronounced correctly, here.

- We may have the most negative media in sports journalism history. Dan Shaughnessy's column about the Nomar trade started with something like "Thank God he's gone." Bob Ryan wrote that he would like to slap Jason Kidd's wife. Will McDonough's last words were, "Clemens...the Texas Con Man."

No doubt my audience can come up with more. Now, let's think positive:

- The Celtics won their titles about a quarter mile from where the Battle of Bunker Hill was fought. When players slack, the ghost of Issac Putnam chastises them in the locker room.

- Chowder is easily vomited. Imagine the hellish spew from a Packers fan...kielbasa and cheese. If Jimi Hendrix had eaten chowder before he took those barbituates, maybe he'd be old and lame like Eric Clapton today.

- If the Red Sox ever win the World Series, the rioting could easily spill into Canada.

- Football is tremendous when played in the snow. Baseball is awesome on a crisp autumn night. Boston has that. Leaving a hockey game and walking out into 90 degree temperatures is wick-wick-whack. We don't have that.

- I can go to Fenway Park and sit in the same spot that someone booed Stan Musial from. Stan died years before there was a team in Orlando, I'd gather. Tradition rocks. I really, really miss the Boston Garden.

- Super Bowl Champs, 2 of the last 3 years....greatest basketball team in history...Original Six NHL team...pathos personified in the Red Sox....BC, winner of the 1986 Cotton Bowl

- We can compare Ray Bourque to Bobby Orr to Milt Schmidt to Eddie Shore. Dallas fans can compare Marquis Daniels to Brad Davis.

- Boston is home to yours truly, winner of the All Star Blogger contest on AOL. Al Michaels once didn't call me "the best sportswriter in America today".

Again, I'm sure the Bostonians will find this thread, and add many reasons of their own.

Downnnnnnn by the river.....down by the banks of the River Charles....that's where you'll find meeeeeeeeee, along with muggers, lovers and theives.

Ah, but they're good people...