One of the tough things about losing that Olympic hoop game to Lithuania was the aftermath. Ever since then, I've been taking a lot of lip from Lithuanians I see around town. One uppity son of a gun, your average Lithuanian. A vile, Vilnius vagabond...a boisterous Baltic barbarian....a slovenly Slavic scallywag....a recently Russian reprobate.
OK...they did nothing wrong. I only know one Lithuanian- the chef at the Montillio Bravo is Boston- and he came here fleeing Panzers. He's been American a lot longer than I have, and he's a wonderful man who would slide a family of orphans the occasional dinner for 10, delivered personally. He can't be blamed for this affront to our national happiness.
It's hard not to root for them, actually. There's only 3.5 million of them, and they just knocked off a Superpower. 3.5 million isn't that big a talent pool. It would be an economy model US state. Take everyone in Oregon, mash them into Kentucky, and you'll have the right population density of the people who just Kicked Our Ass. They have less black people than a KKK rally. They have worn gold and stood on a higher platform than Americans before. It boggles the mind.
While both the proximity to Poland and the dehumanizing Soviet sports machine must be considered, this Baltic Connecticut has a consistently dominant basketball program that is almost demographically inexplicable. Somehow, they have gained Blue Eyed Soul. It's not an East Europe thing, either...when has Latvia or Bulgaria threatened us?
That Jascivivicoikililisus kid couldn't seem to miss the other day. At the end of the game, the paint was dominated by a man with a name that sounds sort of like Saukauskus, and nothing at all like Duncan or Okafor. Imagine sports talk radio over there? "I think Streptobacillicus is way better in the paint than Michelobius." No wonder the Russians got tired of them..."Go arrest Khrystalnachtivivicus"
What they need is someone like And One to go over there and give everybody cool names. Hell, I'll do it for less money, and I bet we speak a common language. Feel free to throw a few more in the Comments section:
"Schmegmus the Magnificent"
"Ali Oop"
"Wild Bill Malficivicus"
"The Slavicizer"
"Big Dick Dangler"
"Sir Slamius of Threepointlandia"
"The Duke of Dunk"
"Das Posterizer"
The Coup Brothers, "D'etat" and "Deville"
"The Last Communist"
As long as they keep winning, we could sell a lot of jerseys.
I suppose I should work my way to a point, and time is fleeting. They say the gap has narrowed, and they are probably right. Still, the US is in medal contention, and while they can be had, they can also stomp a mudhole in anyone in the tournament- even those Baltic SOBs who were so puffed up last Saturday.
Lithuania played a collapsed zone that took Duncan out of the scoring. They shot those tee-ball three pointers off screens. They hit their more numerous free throws. They stayed tough and rallied while the US got shook and forgot how to shoot. They played the game of their lives against the highest level of talent they could find. They earned a win, and until someone beats them, they are the class of the tournament.
Still, they ain't got the gold yet.
On the other side, the US has a bunch of physical talent that plays together poorly. While I always thought that the reason for sending pros to the Big O was that the Soviets were beating up our college kids, we have a lot of people here who would be underclassmen in college on the team as we speak. The last full-time zones Lebron faced were manned by high school kids. They have weak fundamentals, and they are scorers/not/shooters....and almost impotent against a zone.
Still, they have athleticism every other team can only envy. They play in the big league, with the long 3 and the emphasis on inside play. Any of them could erupt and throw in 30 points. They have inside power and shot blockers. They can press, run, sky, and handle- almost to a man.
Larry Brown has a few weeks to teach Carmello, Lebron, Wade, Boozer, Jefferson, Okafor and the boys all the stuff that an NBA player picks up gradually over the course of a 15 year NBA career. In 1992, he could have gotten away with street ball- although that team was a solid veteran bunch from the NBA's Golden Era. Those days are past. We're in a dogfight now, and we're already bleeding.
If he gets it done, no one will give him credit. If he fails, he has disgraced his People. No one older than Bamm-Bamm is going to accept his "Carmello-isn't-buying-in" excuse if we get de-medalized in Athens. He needs to pull off an Austerlitz that makes beating Shaq and Kobe look like pinning your kid sister. I would not be at all surprised if Brown's head suddenly exploded, from accumulated tension.
We start the Real games now, and it is time to get Serious. With any luck, we'll run into those Lithuanians again, and we'll get a chance at redemption. The only way these boys can leave Greece with any honor at all is to be looking down on everyone from the top of the medal stand...
"Looks like we're still the best, suckers...see you in China"
Whipping more Angolans than the MPLA....
No comments:
Post a Comment