Gettin' The Heisman

Celebrity News - Longoria still enjoying regular sex

A big rumor working them Internets was that, to better help the San Antonio Spurs, actress Eva Longoria and fiancee Tony Parker are shelving the Horizontal Bop until the NBA Playoffs are over. They're to be married in July, when Tony will be in his off-season.

For those of you who don't ascribe too much importance to chasing a bouncing ball around.... there's an old sports adage that sex drains the constitution from athletes. "It takes the explosive power out of the legs," said somebody, once.

Boxers live by this. Notice how grouchy Mickey was towards Adrienne? Notice how Rocky didn't bring Adrienne to Russia with him while training to fight that big Commie? Many will say- while appreciating the Inspirational power she brings to the table for the Rock- that barring Adrienne from the proceedings may have kept Rocky from being buried next to Appollo Creed in the Beatdown Cemetery.

Now... keep in mind... the athlete is already in the business of Sacrifice. Rocky can't eat junk food, drink booze, sleep late... none of that good stuff. By taking sex off the table, there's not much left for Rocky to do besides Spartan training and what is most likely angry mastrubation.

 Of course, too much hand friction can harm a man, too:

 SI.com - MLB - Finger puts unbeaten Beckett on DL - Friday May 18, 2007 12:35AM

Sox pitcher Josh Beckett hurt his finger.... tore some skin on it. He's had this problem before, and seems to be- no joke- a bit thin skinned for his job.

Offhand, I'd imagine that Beck has some dietary defiency that leaves him with weak skin. He should eat Viamin E all day. 

This depresses me, so I need some Yankee-bashing laughs. Here's some:

Never blow off a fan (especially one with a gift bag from your fan club) for an autograph when said fan has a XM Radio show, as Derek Jeter learns.

YouTube - Jim Norton Derek Jeter gift bag

Aaaah... I feel better, now. The Sox swept a doubleheader last night, too... the center is holding.

The NBA Daraft Lottery is next week. This, more than anything else that happens in our immediate future, will determine how happy I will be basketball-wise for the next decade.

If we win the lottery- and we have about a 20% chance of doing so- we get Greg Oden. Oden is widely viewed as the next Olajuwon, and the Celtics will be immediate contenders upon his arrival. Option two is Kevin Durant, a high-scoring forward from Texas. While I'd rather have Oden, this kid is a nice consolation prize.

 After that, things sort of slide off the edge. Corey Brewer, Acie Law, Roy Hibbert, Al Horford... all nice guys and fine players, but none of them is a Franchise. Boston has the second-best shot at the #1 pick, and the #2 should be theirs by logic. Any other outcome of the draft lottery will make me insane... er.

Speaking of insane... if you want to visualize the draft lottery, here's an engine from ESPN that shakes it up and sorts it out for you. If you hit this more than three times, ESPN sends you a Loser Merit Badge.

ESPN: NBA Mock Draft 2007

I only had to hit it 6 times to get the Celtics a nice Greg Oden.

Some more Bad News...

I’m hoping Barnes hasn’t lost rebounding skills | Bill Reynolds | projo.com | The Providence Journal

Marvin Barnes nearly took Providence to the top in 1973, and he tore the ABA apart when he got there... for about a season, before the cocaine started undermining his skills. He went from scoring 25 a game in 1975 to being pretty much out of the NBA by 1979. He's best remembered now for sniffing coke on the Celtic bench while hiding his head under a towel.

Now, like with most things in life, the key to cocaine is Moderation. The average basketball game is about 3 hours long. If you can't wait three hours for some cocaine, it's time for a bit of lengthy introspection.

Marvin just made a joke of his Rebound Foundation, which is now known as "Marvin's Cocaine Fund."

I hope he's innocent, but I doubt it.

I like ending on laughs.... here's a great interview by The Rock:

YouTube - The rock makes fun of brock lesnar and HHH

One part steroids, one part revival preacher, one part egomaniac... that's The Rock.

The Rock makes movies now, but he was probably the best wrestling interview west of the Iron Sheik and north of Ric Flair:

YtouTube - Ric Flair Interview

 

Weekend Assignment #166: Rock Out

Weekend Assignment #166: Name the three songs you listen to when you totally want to rock out. Note that they don't actually have to be rock songs -- they can be in any genre whatsoever, and from any era. They just have to be the songs that get you pumped up and ready to go.

Extra Credit: And name one song to cool you back down.

I score this along a "If I were getting into my car to kill someone, what music would I play?" scale....YouTube - Raekwon & Ghostface Killah - Criminology

or "If I'm going to check the dread"... YouTube - Channel Live - Mad Izm (Feat. KRS-One)

I had a student who was into the band Korn. I had her write an essay about Native Americans. It was all "They knew a lot about growing Korn."YouTube - Korn - Here to Stay. Not that it matters in this debate, but that story needed telling somewhere... and this is where it happened.

After I get drugs and kill someone (and fail a history test)... I like to cool down with perhaps the only ode to the Mystic River ever... YouTube - Van Morrison - Into The Mystic

Tags: Red Sox, WWF, No Sax Before A Fight, Weekend Assignment