America's Sweetheart Update

   For those of you who enjoyed the TOS article a few days ago, check this:  I have done the rarely-seen "TOS within a TOS," when I threatened the AOL Service Rep I was arguing my TOS violation with.

   While I'm working from memory here, my threat was along the lines of "If I have to come down there, be warned that it will be the 100% opposite of your commercial where that mousy girl brings you her 'famous apple crumb cake' to thank AOL for their anti-virus software. You'll smell blood."

  The AOL Employees you can reach online will talk to you, but those Terms Of Service still count. The woman who took my complaint was some poor Okie who had no idea what was about to hit her, 5 minutes after the office opened. I always try to secure an early advantage by hitting the argument at a full run, as sprinters say, and I was obviously too much for the first 3 people I spoke to. I may have been kidding, but she had no way of knowing that....especially in Font.

   My husband- who tells me that I "sneer" at him- has refused to argue with me for years now...."You're condescending when you compliment me, let alone now.".....and my own hometown priest has told me that I have an "explosive temper....like a wolverine."

   I kicked the holy hell out of him all the way up the walk, let me tell you. He tried to regroup.... but by the time he got back up, the Rottweilers were on him.

   Either way, I ended up with the TOS Squared after my attempt to justify my statement- made in a F vs F wrestling chatroom- that children should be forced to read this journal at gunpoint, and to defeat the TOS that followed it. Even as she was doing it, the TOS Rep congratulated me on what she assured me would be the talk of the TOS office staff at Happy Hour that night....and probably several others.

   I evaded criminal prosecution by telling that lady's boss- who I immediately demanded to speak to, as you should do every 7.5 minutes in any argument with a corporation- that it would be a poor career move if he TOSd "Ted Leonsis' neice."

   A bold-faced lie....but it worked. I've defeated another TOS by convincing the rep that I was a rogue Kennedy daughter. 

   Morality has always been a hazy area for me, and I'm very competitive. I waver a bit in most Ends/Means situations, kids....and the Number of the Beast can be dialed whenever you need it, in a pinch.