Season's Beatings

   Wrestling is staged. It teaches young kids that violence is the way to resolve problems. Wrestlers frequently cheat to win. Many of them are so roided out, they can flex things like eyebrows and teeth. A lot of them die young...often from painkiller abuse. A wrestler (Owen Hart) was killed in the ring performing a needless stunt. They live a barnstorming life akin to that led by Gypsies or a travelling circus.

   They have virtually monopolized the industry, and will stop at nothing to eliminate any competition. The women, with a few exceptions, are sexpot eye candy with no wrestling talent whatsoever. There always seems to be at least one(ten) of the wrestlers who has some sort of mental illness. They exploit whatever will get ratings- be it racism, sexism, homophobia, nationalism, or simple depravity. They aim for the lowest possible element, and often go below them.

   The fact that I watch every week shouldn't lead you to think that I don't see the forest for the trees. I am just more in touch with my Inner Beast than most people are. Unless this is your first visit here, you probably know that already. Being a wrestling fan is somewhat akin to the 2 Minute Hate from 1984. Cathartic and social, but demented nonetheless. 

   Yet, I have come to praise the WWE, not to bury them. Why? Because they did something this week that was truly special. They packed up all the rings, chairs, steel cages, and talent, and shipped them to a battle zone. Yes, this week's entertainment is Smackdown in Iraq.

   No, I'm not that naive. I know that doing this provides the WWE with a ton of free publicity. They can go before the next congressional hearing and say, "We did our part." They gain the goodwill of 200,000 or so of the soldiers. Maybe the Iraqis get a kick out of it, even. Though they are the vanguard of a "sport" with a shadowy reputation at best, they can act holier than thou for a week. I must have missed any NFL game that was played there....

   Never forget that these men and women are under no obligation to do this tour. Note that they are actually in Iraq. The WWE website actually features a story about the wrestlers having breakfast with the troops, when some mortars start coming down near them. The best part? They say that The Big Show (former Witchita State center Paul Wight) never stopped eating, even as airborne troops were diving for cover. That's what you call a big set, folks.

   This is no doubt costing WWE patriarch Vince McMahon a lot of money. Even if the Army brings the WWE there on their own planes(I really don't know who pays for the shipping and handling- it may be you and I), any time the WWE spent in Iraq was time that they could have been selling out Madison Square Garden or the Fleet Center. That's 15,000 seats at 20-50 bucks a pop.

   Vince doesn't need the publicity. He's the only game in town, as they say. He made money hand over fist even before Gulf War I. I truly feel that his motivation here is entirely goodwill.

   The WWE has not always played straight with politics. During the Iranian hostage crisis, he introduced a wrestler named the Iron Sheik, a Persian-looking gent who may have known 4 or 5 words of English- all disparaging. He turned the formerly patriotic Sgt. Slaughter into an Iraqi sympathizer during Desert Storm. As soon as France failed to back our move on Iraq, the WWE had a French tag team. He is just now debuting an Arab-American wrestler who secretly despises us for our freedom, or some such nonsense.

   In the same vein, he(Vince and the WWE are essentially one and the same) also has Olympic gold medalist (from the Atlanta games) Kurt Angle as an all-American jerk. He had no problem at all with trotting out the late Big Bossman as a cruel police officer after 9/11 and the Rodney King riots. Japanese star Kenzo Suzuki portrays an anti-American personality, but his "geisha girl" seems to love America, and is slowly winning him over. Latino stars like Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio are hugely popular.

   I can virtually guarantee you that the Japanese guy, the Frenchman, the Arab, and the Mexicans will flip-flop between Good and Evil many times before their careers end. As soon as the act becomes stale, a wrestler will undergo what they call a "heel turn," where they suddenly either see the light of good, or do something so despicable that the Pope curses at the telly. It's been that way since I was a kid, and I don't see things changing much.

   Last year's Smackdown in Iraq featured John Bradshaw Leyfield, who was a hugely popular wrestler with a sort of bad-ass biker persona. Shortly after, he got a haircut and reinvented himself as aWall Street tycoon...and everybody hates him. If you go to the WWE site and look around a bit, you'll see him in Iraq this year...dressed like Yassir Arafat, and basking in the hatred of the crowd. Keeping it sports, Bradshaw's tag team partner last year was former Florida State All American Ron Simmons...who, to my knowledge, was the first black man to hold a major title.

   I seriously doubt that JBL is at all like either of his in-ring personas. He's just going with the flow. The late Adrian Adonis, who also potrayed a bad-ass biker persona, eventually became a dressed-in-pink effeminate. Hulk Hogan, Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Rock(former UMiami linebacker Duane Thomas), and Cactus Jack have all walked on both sides of the Evil Fence. Currently evil Rene Dupree and Kenzo Suzuki were caught by CNN singing "God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen" with some troops.

   Most wrestling fans know this already, and don't give a damn. They hate who Vince wants them to hate, and scream like teenagers at a Backstreet Boys concert when the "face" walks down that aisle. It's easier that way, and Vince has shown again and again that he is finely tuned into what Americans want.  

   So, for this week only, take a second to admire what they are doing for our troops in Iraq. A terrorist slaughtering of WWE superstars would be a tremendous score for any angry dissident. They are spending the week before Christmas trying to bring a slice of home to some people who truly deserve it. Despite all of this, I'm sure that Vince got very few denials when looking for wrestlers to stage the show. My hat's off to him.

   I wish them all well, and praise them for a job well done.