Quote Machines

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http://journals.aol.com/monponsett/HighAboveCourtside/entries/675

 

Rodney Dangerfield

Al Czervik: Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dogfood. I've had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it.

Al Czervik: [to his Asian companion] I hear this place is restricted, Wang, so don't tell 'em you're Jewish, okay?

Al Czervik: Your a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?

Al Czervik: Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
"Nice kid, nice kid ... now I know why tigers eat their young."

"Hey, you're a funny kid, why don't you get yourself a real haircut."

If I'd known i was going to play like this, I would have stayed home and played with Myself!

You're a funny kid, you know. Yeah, what time are you due back in Boy's Town?!

Hey! You scratched my anchor!

"Howd you like to straighten out my Longfellow"

 

MICKEY RIVERS

"Me and George and Billy are two of a kind."

-Baseball player Mickey Rivers, on his relationship with George Steinbrenner and Billy Martin

 

"My goals are to hit .300, score 100 runs, and stay injury-prone."

-Mickey Rivers

 

"Out of what, a thousand?" 

Mickey Rivers, responding to teammate Reggie Jackson's claim he had an IQ of 160.

 

"Pitching is 80% of the game and the other half is hitting and fielding"

-Mickey Rivers

 

"No wonder you're all mixed up.  You got a white man's first name, a Spanish man's second name and a black man's third name."

-Mickey made this comment to Reginald Martinez Jackson in July of 1977

 

"I'm going to double my limit."

-Mickey Rivers' response to a 1975 interview question asking him how many bases he was going to steal that season.

 

"I was eating too well and getting too much rest.  I take my old lady dancing every night now.  Doin' the bump keeps your legs in shape."

-Mickey Rivers' response to a 1975 interview question of why he started playing better

 

"He's so ugly. When you walked by him, your pants wrinkle. He made fly balls curve foul."

-Mickey Rivers on  former Major Leaguer Danny Napoleon's looks 

 

"I might have to commute.  You know, left field, DH, wherever."

-Mickey Rivers

 

"The first thing you do when you get out to center field is put up your finger and check the wind-chill factor."

-Mickey Rivers

 

"The wind was blowin' about 100 degrees"           

-Mickey Rivers' response to the wind in the outfield at Chicago's Comiskey Park

 

"I was brought up in Florida, so there isn't much difference between playing there and playing here.  The climax are about the same."

-Mickey Rivers on playing in Texas

 

"I felt alone out there, like I was on a desert island.  I felt like Gilligan."

-Mickey Rivers' response to playing left field for the first time

 

 

YOGI BERRA

 

" It ain't over 'til it's over "

"Never answer an anonymous letter"

" I usually take a two hour nap from one to four"

" It's deja vu all over again"

" When you come to a fork in the road....Take it "

" I didn't really say everything I said "

" You can observe a lot by watching "

When asked what time is was......" you mean now?"

At Yogi Berra day in St Louis 1947 " I want to thank you for making this day necessary"

" If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be "

Yogi on the 1969 NY Mets....." overwhelming underdogs "

" If the people don't want to come out to the ballpark, nobody's going to stop them "

On why NY lost the 1960 series to Pittsburgh " We made too many wrong mistakes"

" It gets late early out here"

 

 

CHARLES BARKLEY

I love New York City; I've got a gun.
Charles Barkley

If I weren't earning $3 million a year to dunk a basketball, most people on the street would run in the other direction if they saw me coming.
Charles Barkley


My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized that I had no character.
Charles Barkley

Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn't eaten in a while.
<AHREF="HTTP: charlesbar132094.html? c quotes www.brainyquote.com>Charles Barkley


These are my new shoes. They're good shoes. They won't make you rich like me, they won't make you rebound like me, they definitely won't make you handsome like me. They'll only make you have shoes like me. That's it.
Charles Barkley

You know it's going to hell when the best rapper out there is white and the best golfer is black.
Charles Barkley

 

BOBBY "THE BRAIN" HEENAN

- Bobby Heenan commenting on Hogan's entrance music
     Heenan: That's my second favorite song.
     Monsoon: I'm almost afraid to ask.  Whats your favorite?
     Heenan: All the rest are tied.

Bobby Heenan on some Jobber:
    "I once asked him what came at the end of the sentance...
     and he said "parole"."

"Hey, he speaks pretty well for a guy who just ate 2 lbs of
     crackers." -- Bobby H on Lou Feriggno's speech impediment

Bobby Heenan on Jennifer Chan:  "Once you wrestke Jade, an hour later you want to wrestle her again."

53) Bobby H & Gorilla on Chico Santana:
    Bobby H: Did you know Tito holds a place in Guiness' Book of
              World Records?
    Gorilla: Yeah? For what?
    Bobby H: He picked 1,600 heads of lettuce in 1/2 an hour.
    Gorilla: Will you stop...

52) "You know why there were onlu 2200 Mexicans at the Alamo?  They
     only had one car." -- Bobby H

"Tito Santana is like a cue-ball.  The harder you strike him,
     the more english you get out of him."
     -- Bobby Heenan

Bobby Heenan on Kerry Von Erich
    "He's the only man I know of who can hide his own easter eggs."

Brain on Jake Roberts: "It takes a good man to fool Jake the Snake....it just doesn't take him very long."

Brain on Hammerin' Heather Steele: "Who did her hair? I hear you get a free bowl of soup with that haircut"

Brain on Andre the Giant: "You know those disinfectant urinal cakes? Andre thinks they're breath mints."

Heenan, on dining with Gorilla Monsoon: "Be careful, folks...you reach for the salt shaker, and you just might get a fork in your hand."

Heenan, on Donna Spangler: "Look at the hair on that broad...I hear you get free pork chops with that haircut"

Heenan, on Jacklyn Hyde: "She makes coffee nervous"

"That's right, tickets are going on sale...Well don't get smart with me, I'll slap you in the mouth...I'll talk to you later mom."

"You know they say money can't buy happiness. Give me 50 bucks and watch me smile."

"I've been rich and I've been poor...it was better being rich"

"He's got that Achy Breaky Back."

"Thank goodness for next year, huh Ross. Indoor plumbing comes to Oklahoma."

Brain: "Do you realize if an avalanche hit this town, they could apply for Federal Aid and get 18 or 22 bucks?!?!"

Brain: "That's a shame for Sting, cause if you go to the hospital in this town with a bad leg, they shoot you."

"Remember, kids....No matter how hard they work or how talented they are, you can always go to the eyes."