Officer Cool

   A quick story to amuse y'all...

   I had to go to my sister's in Quincy before the game. As we tend to do, we talked for a while. As it turned out, I was driving back to Monponsett for the first couple of innings.

   As I'm cruising down a nearly-deserted Route 3, the bases load for the Old Towne Team. Then, Johnny Damon (he must have eaten a big bowl o' Balco before the game) positively sh*ts on the first pitch Vasquez throws, and it's Grand Salami time.

   I responded by leaning on the horn, flashing the high beams, and screaming like a loon. Immediately, the flashing blue lights of the Massachusetts State Police go on behind me. I pull over, and wait as he runs my plate. Then he comes up on my car, and the conversation goes like this:

"What the ***** is wrong with you?"

"Damon....grand slam, sir"

"Really?"

The officer then- I swear- leans into my car and honks my horn like a freak from Monponsett. For once in my life, I was speechless.

"Enjoy the game, Ma'am."

If the 5-0 are on my side, there has been an intense shift in the Karma balance of the world. Not only will we win the World Series, I predict the following events will occur this year:

- Farrakhan becomes Honorary Grand Dragon of the KKK

- President Eminem

- The Arabs and the Jews decide to give the Holy Land to the Buddhists

- It is revealed that Mary Kate is an Olsen, Ashley is an Olson, and they are actually "longtime companions" who just happen to look a lot alike.

- Warren Sapp leaves the NFL to serve as temporary CEO of Martha Stewart Living Enterprises

- The Surgeon General declares that cigarettes, steak and drugs are actually good for you. Laura Bush's  "Just Say Yo" campaign is credited with President Bush's re-election.

- AOL hires me as a Contributing Editor. In a week and a half, I'm the Vice President, and "Yahoo" is merely something that cowboys yell.

Even at 8-1, with men on 2nd and 3rd and one out in the 5th, and I am not at all relaxed. I fully expect a furious Yankee comeback, and I may have a few grey hairs before the tail stops wagging on this dog.

Victoire!!