Find Wound, Apply Salt....Enjoy

 

- What do you call 25 guys watching the World Series on TV?
The New York Yankees!

 

 

- Spare a-rod, spoil October(Yes, I know that's not funny....I'm hoping someone can better the basic idea in the comments section).

 

 

(from my email) Boston sports teams are like former lovers:

The Patriots are that guy that you just met... he's wonderful, he does nothing wrong....but all guys look like that for dates 1-5 or so. The radar is still up.

The Bruins are that "nice" guy you go out with when no one else is available. They're fun to be with, but cheap. If all else fails, you know they will be waiting in the double-wide for you.

The Celtics are a deceased husband. 20 years later, you look back and remember how wonderful it was, and you judge every new man you meet by the high standards you remember the Celtics by. You know his son, btw....but he's a punk.

The Red Sox are an abusive boyfriend who beats the **** out of you, but you keep going back because you love him, and you think that he'll be different next time.

That joke just died, but it gets to deliver its' own eulogy.

 

- Two old men sit at a Red Sox game, circa 1998. They've been going since they were kids, and they only hope to see the Red Sox win it all. One of them finally dies, and the other sits by an empty seat as the Sox beat the Yankees, and finally win the elusive world title.

   Game 4, St. Louis. The surviving old man is shocked to see the ghost of his friend sitting next to him as the game ends. The ghost smiles, and says "Wouldn't miss it for Death itself." He then starts to fade away.

"Wait....don't go....there's something else I need to know!"

The ghost pauses, and awaits the question.

"Is there baseball in Heaven?"

The ghost smiles...then says:

"I have good news and bad news. The good news? There is indeed baseball in Heaven. The bad news? You're pitching Thursday."

 

-  I'm beating a dead horse, but did you evereverever see a worse set of National Anthem/God Bless America singers than what St. Looey trotted out for games 3 and 4?

   The girl- Gretchen someone- was like listening to someone repeatedly opening a styrofoam cooler. Thank God she's cute, because after her song ended, every walrus in the St. Louis zoo began mating.

   The guy from Creed must have thought it was Halloween, because he showed up dressed as Eddie Vedder, complete with the faux baritone Vedder tries to sing with. If Chuck D had come out of the audience and killed him, no American jury would convict him.

   I guess they were saving Ike Turner for Game 5.

   I hatehatehate the Yankees...still...but that Shrek looking guy could bust out a ferocious God Bless America. Those big ears must have some acoustical merit.

 

 

- Many New Englanders think that the Curse was truly broken when a kid from Sudbury was smashed in the face by a Fenway foul ball. The Sudbury kid had one special thing about him....he lives in the house Babe Ruth lived in while playing for the Old Towne Team.

   Now, we need to buy him Rick Pitino's Back Bay condo, and have Latrell Sprewell try to strangle him (Best post assault quote ever from Sprewell- "I didn't choke him that bad.....he could still gag and gasp").