Deep Like The Shining

10/06/06 · 9:21 am      posted by Monponsett in East of Boston      [ Permalink ]

photo credit, www.boston.com The Smurf took a beating from the schedule last week, holding on to .500 by like two fingertips. Undaunted, she returns today to steer you down the road to Bolivian. I went 7 and 7 last week- which is a fine drink, but a poor way to make money gambling. Toss in the spread, and I did even worse... I figgered Indy to win by like 24, easy. So... the Smurf is 40-20 on the year, with a truly bad week in the rear view mirror. We only look forward here at the SS East Of Boston, so here's hoping I have wicked good luck with my calls on this week's entertainment. Remember... CapeCodToday.com does not condone gambling. We just discuss the betting lines on football games, and how we'd go about working against them. Don't take this column to the bank, either... you'll go broke fast betting on football tips given to you by a 5 foot French girl named Smurf... who has only been on a football field in a cheerleader skirt. Anywho... Miami at New England (-9 1/2) That guy who quit on the Miami Dolphins to smoke pot, travel to Nepal and play poorly in Canada? They miss him. Duante Culpepper has looked Bledsoeish in his immobility. The only way the offensive line could play any worse is if they turned around and tackled their own ball carriers. New England just blew out the media-darling Bengals, but are merely two weeks removed from the curb-stomping they took from the Broncos. They really have nobody to pass the ball to, which will hurt them when they play serious ball in January. The secondary- which was beaten like a stepchild against Denver- shut down an up-until-then fearsome Bangles air attack. The running game has looked superb. The law firm of Maroney and Dillon has been taking cases on a  contingency basis... the contigency being that unless we're playing Denver, we're gonna put about 180 yards on your defense.`Leads have a way of staying safe if you spend the fourth quarter running the ball at the defense... especially if they have to respect the big-play capability of Maroney while dealing again and again with the up-the-middle-pounding of Clock Killin' Corey Dillon. Miami has always been tough, and I can recall them bashing an eventual Super Bowl winner Patriots squad to round out a 2-14 season. That 9.5 point spread looks toooo heavy to mess with, leaving me in a situation where I'm betting against the team I love. That's the good thing about organized crime... the Patriots can still win, just as long as they don't do so convincingly. Pats, 17-13   Buffalo at Chicago (-10) If somebody took me up on the Rex Grossman injury bet last week, they'd be opening their mail to find a nice crisp $20 bill today. I'll still lay the bet out there... this dude is china-shop fragile. 'Plays with a helluva defense, though. Bears, 23-16   New York Jets at Jacksonville (-7) New Yawk hung with Indy's air show last week, so the slowest black QB in the NFL shouldn't be that hard to handle. Too bad they have to score themselves.... Jacksonville, 21-10   Oakland at San Francisco (-3 1/2) Someone has to win... unless they tie. Oakland needs it more, but San Fran has been bad longer, and have compiled more high level draft picks. 'Niners, 12-9   Kansas City (-3 1/2) at Arizona You just may see Matt Leinart start a new Cardinal dynasty as he takes over for the fumblin' bumblin' stumblin' Kurt Warner. Of course, I suppose that in order to see a new Cardinal dynasty, there would have had to have been an old Cardinal dynasty... but maybe the Gas House Gang counts, even if it was baseball and St. Louis. Kansas City, 14-10   Tennessee at Indianapolis (-18) Generally, you see the 18 point spread only when the two teams are "Nebraska" and "Iowa Pharmaceutical College." You can almost see someone else getting stomped by a frustrated Titan lineman, but it's the Titans themselves who will take the overall stomping. Indianapolis, 34-13   Cleveland at Carolina (-8) Things haven't gone as planned for the Pants, but Cleveland is a few years away from being a few years away from respectability. I'd even take the 18 point Indy spread with this one. Carolina, 35-16   Detroit at Minnesota (-6 1/2) It just can't get any worse for the Lions, and the only way they'll be picked to win this season is if I'm looking at the schedule and saying "They gotta win at least ONE game this year... why not this one?" Mini Soda isn't "this one," though... Vikings, 14-12   Tampa Bay at New Orleans (-6 1/2) Tampa's offensive line played so well last week, the quarterback had to have his spleen removed after the game. I'm not making that up. Never put money on a team that lets their QB get his spleen ruptured... unless it's the Patriots and Bledsoe, with a yet-unkown Brady watching from the bench. New O, 17-15   Washington at NY Giants (-4 1/2) October is Manning Time, so look for Eli the Younger to pad his stats on a Washington team that should be ashamed of what they're doing to poor Coach Gibbs and his once masterful reputation. NYG, 27-20   St Louis (-3) at Green Bay This is a good time to discuss the concept of the "home 'dog" theory. They say that you should never bet against the home team, unless the visiting team is truly a powerhouse. I had trouble typing KC as the winner in the above preview, while GB has truly looked horrible against all but the worst competition. I'll compromise by choosing against the home dog while calling for them to beat the spread. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but I'm at peace with it. Slewy, 24-23   Dallas at Philadelphia (-2) The T.O. Bowl. An up-n-coming Dallas team is running into an Eagle joint that seems to be putting it back together. Look for T.O. to apologize to McNabb about everything after Nancy Drew Bledsoe gets sacked/throws one away/misses T.O. wide open in the end zone. It's like my sister told her boyfriend when she was cooking for him last week... "The soup won't seem so bad once you've tasted the chicken dinner I botched." Illy, 28-24   Pittsburgh at San Diego (-3 1/2) I can't tear me away from the vision of a still-mean Pittsburgh defense whaling on that semi-rookie San Diego QB like Moby. This game is a must-watch, although you may get to see it again in the AFC playoffs. Pittsburgh, 14-13   Baltimore at Denver (-4) I'm looking forward to this game far too much to bet on it. Baltimore could shut them out, or Denver could win so decisively that the Ravens are pretty much toast five games into the season. The truth, as it usually does, most likely lies somewhere in the middle. Broncos, 17-16