Golf, Anyone?

   What do an incoming tornado and an Iowa divorce have in common?

   Someone's about to lose a farm.

   These were sent to me as Katrina/Alabama pics, but my man Uncle Joe at Magic Smoke informed me that this was a common "hoax," and that the pictures are actually from a series of Nebraska-type storms in 2002-04. Thanks to www.Snopes.com, as well. We'll credit the real photographer at the end of the piece.

   Funny thing about either Me or Nebraska... take away the storm clouds, and you'd still get a visual of why I would shoot up a Wal-Mart if I lived there. It's too God-love-it flat, and New Englanders need a little definition to their landscapes.

   I suppose I'd also vote for the more fundamentally Christian presidential candidate if I got Wrath of God storms like these MFers every year... or maybe I'd vote Democrat and just live full-time in a sealed concrete bunker.

 

   Only on the Great Plains can you golf in shorts while farms are being thrown into the lower stratosphere a half mile down the road. It's Iowastanding!!

   The Japanese mob (the Yakuza) actually made these storms to slow wheat production... as a sort of pre-emptive strike at buying Kellogg, and replacing Tony the Tiger with a 95 pound rabid Akita (It's grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat!) to get us back for Nagasaki and Hiroshima.

   This picture (a diff version of a previous pic on this page) was the base of the mail I got with these pics. Notice the visage de la sorcière  off to the right.

   Seeing evil witch faces in storm clouds/WTC smoke is perfectly natural psychological ju-jitsu. Storms are terrifying, and people will have "irrational" reactions to terror. Personally, I see Jay Leno.

   Seeing Jay Leno is indicative of a certain mental instability that we won't go into on these pages.

   I've given out a few ink blot tests in my time, and once you know how those "end," you sort of become too jaded to properly see cloud shapes.

   It's like Freud said: "Everyone who smokes is attempting to satisfy a subconscious oral fixation- a fixation based on the pleasure one took as a baby when breast feeding.... except for myself, as I do it just because I love tobacco.... now that I know."

   If you were watching more gentle clouds drift by on a sunny summer day, you'd probably get between your wife/hub and the kids if your spouse looked up and said, "I see a decapitation, with torrents and torrents of spraying blood."

   I did see a Bunny in the tornado shot a few back, and yes- I'm being vague on purpose. I'm sort of the opposite of the guy in the previous paragraph, which just makes me a different shade of Unusual Blue.

   These images are actually photographs of tornadoes and other extreme weather phenomena taken by storm chaser Mike Hollingshead in Nebraska and Kansas during the summer months of 2002 and 2004. Visit his page... it rocks like taking an armful of heroin and going to an Alice In Chains concert, circa 1994.