Curses...foiled again

Oh good...now we have 2 curses. If Pedro does a Chunky Soup commercial, we'd better hope the Celtics turn it around.

The Curse of the Bambino has left the Sox as the most famous cursed people in the world. 1918 was a longggggggggg time ago, and generations have come and gone without a Series win for the Old Towne Team.

The Sports Illustrated cover curse- cast to show the folly of sportswriting- basically occurs when SI features who they view as the hot team. Generally, whatever team they feature suddenly implodes. This is actually clever marketing. If the team they feature is beaten, they don't have the same cover 2 weeks in a row.

The Chunky Soup ad campaign has made losers out of Kurt Warner, Reggie White, Donovan McNabb and John Lynch. I have stated on these very pages my intent to personally prevent Tom Brady from doing one of these ads, and I am deadly serious.

 

Who else is cursed? Let's look at a few famous ones:

 

- Tecumseh's Curse

A son(most likely Tecumseh's brother Tenskwatawa) of a Shawnee chief defeated in the Battle of Tippecanoe, laid a curse on William Henry Harrison and any US President to follow. It works in 20 year cycles, and astrologers will tell you that it has something to do with the alignment of Jupiter and Saturn.

The Curse of Tecumseh "killed" Harrison(after a month in office), Lincoln, Garfield, McKinley, Harding, FDR and Kennedy. Reagan, elected in 1980, missed being the next victim of the Curse by inches when that dude who was all whacked out on Jodie Foster tried to wax him. Reagan is believed to have broken the curse.

 

- The Kennedy Curse

The father was a booze smuggler, and may indeed have sold someone's soul to gain political power for his Trust Fund Brats. This curse moped out Bobby, JFK, the one who died in the war, the daughter they lobotomized, Ted's career, Ted's dates, the ski/football kid who Sonny Bono'd that tree, the rapist, the poor pilot and  his clotheshorse wife, and the junkie.

If you are a Kennedy who hasn't got shot, raped anyone, played football on skis, or killed his brother's secretary, life is good. Still, as they spend that cash, they have to have this sense of impending doom.

Raiders tackle Lincoln Kennedy refused the urge to vote for himself in the 1996 Presidential elections.."I thought I'd get shot."

 

King Tut's Curse

They were told to let sleeping kings lie, but they had to go bust in on the Boy King. Howard Carter busted into the tomb (when asked what he saw as he peered through the small hole he had dug, Carter replied "wonderful things"). It wasn't too wonderful when everyone associated with the expedition started dropping dead, though. Digging up Egyptian king burial sites is a good way to die young, as well a good way to have The Rock kicking your ass.

 

The Von Erich Curse:

Sheer horror has followed this famous wrestling family. Fritz Von Erich (he has a real name which is something like Atkinson, but the story works better in kayfabe) had several sons, and they all followed him into the wrestling biz. He lost one son (5 year old Jack) to an electrocution, before Jack was wrestling age.

The sons who made it- the Von Erichs were the centerpiece of the old WCCW league in Texas- also suffered early endings. David died under shady circumstances in some Japanese hotel. Mike suffered from depression, and comitted suicide. Kerry- the star of the brood- got into cocaine, lost a foot in a bike wreck, got arrested, and finally did himself in with the shotty.

I think I may have missed one(Chris?). Surviving brother Kevin has post-concussion syndrome to the point where sneezing around him would cave in his skull. If a Von Erich marries a Kennedy, God help us all...especially if they pitch for the Sox.

 

Sure, the Sox are closing in on the Yankers. We have 2 tremendous pitchers, and the team is beginning to gel. The Yanked have guys punching walls.

Doesn't matter.

New Englanders are very attuned to  the  seasons. We aren't Georgia- it gets bloody cold here. New England has been settled by English speakers since 1620, and the growing seasons are short. We also have an inordinate amount of old salt types who have that sixth sense.

We know what's coming. In traditional New England society, a Boston collapse is viewed as a sign of the advent of Autumn. We even have a term for it- the September Swoon.

That Bucky Dent homer was the final nail in the coffin for 1978's September Swoon. The Buckner and the Boone homer both happened during very warm autumns in New England. You can see the pattern. As surely as the leaves will fall from the trees, the Sox will implode in the most painful way possible. Usually, it involves a September Swoon.

I root for them- and I will never root for another- but I know it's coming. I root for the Sox with the same mentality that I used to smoke Marlboro Lights with- enjoyment tempered by a sense of impending suffering. I'd advise any arrivistes to the Sox camp to keep the September Swoon in mind before getting too worked up over the Old Towne Team.