It's Wild Card Weekend in the NFL!
Elle has just 4 more weeks to pay for college via the mob!
Washington at Seattle
We could go into technical matters like Seattle's brutal pass rush, Washington's ability to run the ball with a guy who dreeses as Sheriff Gonna Getcha during the week, the Walpole guy starting at QB for the 'Skins, or the concept of winning one for the Gipper (with the Gipper in this case being a thugged-out Sean Taylor) to choose an outcome for this game.... but that would go against my gambler's instinct, which is telling me that no one who got stomped like the Skins got stomped at the feet of the Patriots is winning snit this season.
Washington knows the hammer waiting for them should they advance to the Super Bowl against the Patriots.... and they already know how it feels when that hammer bashes them around the field for 60 minutes. Seattle is still cherry in that regard...and they have Deion Branch there saying, "Them Pats ain't all that." Seattle still has hope for the future.
As misguided as that hope may be...it will be enough to get them past a Washington team who's best player was murdered a few weeks ago.
I smell me a blowout, folks... it won't be as close as the score I've predicted.
Seattle 26, Washington 17
Jacksonville at Pittsburgh
Another playoff game, another how'd-he-get-there QB. David Garrard, meet The Game Played At That Other Level. Jacksonville has already whipped Pity twice this year, and the odds favor Jackie by 1.5 points. Eff the odds. Pittsburgh has won the whole thing with this squad, while Jacksonville hasn't won Ditka yet/ever.
I see Pittsburgh winning this one comfortably.
Pittsburgh 22, Jacksonville 14
NY Giants at Tampa Bay
Tampa basically crawled out of a division that someone had to win. NY has the worse Manning brother. Talent-wise, this would make a great Arena Bowl...but if this were a college game, it'd be Southwest Schmuck State vs. the University of Clown Fools in the Hoover Straight Up Sucka Bowl.
This game is only interesting if you're a babysitter/sports betting columnist trying to decide how to bet the Dallas game the following week, or if you just watch football with the hope of seeing someone getting their tibia broken.
Tennessee at San Diego
Granted... Vince Young has a rep for going out to Cali and winning big games agaiunst powerhouse teams. Sure, Sandy Ego has looked like ass for a lot of this season. Also... betting on a Norv Turner team is a good way to lose money.
What to do? What to do? How to bet?
Whynot ask Gabrielle?
Sure, she's still playing with dolls and stuff...and,if you really look at it, I'm sort of involving a 5 year old in a felony racketeering conspiracy...but if she hits the spread, I (actually, the Colonel) will take her to see Hannah Montana.
Gabby likes...San Diego!
Granted... she thinks "San Diego" is a person, but we're going with it.
When pressed for a score, she said "a hundred to ninety-two." We'll read that as an 8 point spread.
San Diego 21, Tennessee 13
If you, like me, feel that ice hockey should be played outdoors...enjoy...
Granted...my eyes are a little weak to be picking up on a puck from 75 yards back and 75 yards in the air.... but the NHL is dying on the vine, and would probably accept playing games in Mogadishu if they thought it may draw in people.
I'd personally take it to that next level... Toronto/Montreal on the St. Lawerence River, Colorado defending their adopted Great Salt Lake outdoor home, Detroit pwning Lake Michigan. Boston maybe using Walden Pond... although, it would be the purest form to maybe conduct the All Star Game outdoors, on a cranberry bog... with people shooting at a lobster pot or two boots.
All's I know is that, should I ever get into and win a hockey fight- I intend to grab my foe by her ankles, spin a few times, release her, and watch her slide 50-75 yards down the ice. I'm assuming that I win said fight by knockout (a supine foe is needed fort he Big Slide), and that there is no bothersome referee intervention.