Worst Announcers/Analysts In Sport

- Bill Walton

   If I were being tortured, and was told that I could skip all the torture by listening to Bill Walton... I'd choose the cattle prod to the lap over hearing that goofy-toothed mothereffer.

   He's not only the worst analyst in the NBA, and the worst in all sports... he's the worst of all time. Listening to him is like having a hippy spill his bong water into your brain. My youngest daughter (pushing 2) actually threw up carrots once when Walton credited Steve Nash's success to "harmonic convergence."

   If you try to IM me on a Sunday afternoon and I don't answer... see if I have the AOL Radio on. If I do, there's a good chance that I'm watching the NBA with the volume down and the radio on. EPMD probably never played for UCLA, but they are less grating on my brain then Bill waiting until one team is 20 points up before uttering an opinion.

 

- Dick Vitale

   College kids are really just young boys, which makes Vitale's fawning over them somewhat frightening. When Gabby and Melissa start playing sports, i wouldn't let a fan/coach/announcer anywhere near them if he is as enamored of them as Vitale is of JJ Reddick.

   Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but Jeeeeeesus... something isn't right there. I don't brag about my own kids as hard as he deifies some kid who hits a 15 footer. He sounds like a man who constantly has his hand in his own pants.

   Here's Dick's coaching resume:

1) Started coaching at an elementary school (yikes), then spent eight years coaching in high school.. with 2 state championships. This was the pinnacle of his success.

2) Four years at the University of Detroit, where he made the tournament once.

3) Went 34-60 coaching the Detroit Pistons, although his ruination of the team helped them land the future Bad Boy lineup.

  Then he had the God-bless-him good fortune to take a job at a fledgling network, and the rest is bad-catchphrase history.

 

- Joe Buck

   Most people who watch the NFL would probably deny that they are doing so to see 3 hours of organized, accelerated violence. That said, they consider someone being slammed into frozen grass to be "entertaining."

   These people aren't going to be put off too much by someone pretending to bang a moon at the crowd. When Randy Moss did so, Joe Buck's reaction was one of such utter indignation that you'd have thought that Randy had tea-bagged his infant daughter.

   Rule one... men shouldn't worry too much about other men's butts. Rule two... if you are worried about it, keep it to yourself.

   And that was just one football play. Watching him call baseball with Tim McCarver is pretty much what they mean when they call TV the "idiot box."

- Tim McCarver

   Captain Obvious has many sites dedicated to hating him, such as: Tim McCarver, please shut up! - ShutupTimMcCarver.com

Some McCarver Moronity:

- "He wears his hat like a left hander!" 

- "Watch Darren Daulton use his mitt like a glove." 

- "There is a world of difference between a count of one ball and two strikes and two strikes and one ball." 

- "With Guererro, it's not as much astrike ZONE as it is a strike AREA."

-  "You see Colon talking into his glove because David Ortiz, from the Dominican Republic, can obviously read lips in Spanish." 

- "Half of the Yankees' regulars this year have not been regulars."

- "Yankee pitchers have had great success this year against Cabrera when they get him out." 

 

- Andres Cantor

   I love this guy, but I can understand how that "Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooallllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" stuff can wear thin after some time.

 

- Marv Albert

   "Yesssssssss!!"

   I'm offended when I see this lecher on TV. He took a plea bargain to avoid a Forcible Sodomy conviction against a woman who he also bit. In a perfect world, he'd be castrated and sent to die on a Gilligan island. In our NBA, he's back on the mic.

   That's right, kids... the NBA will take your job if you get caught smoking weed, so the sodomizer won't be offended describing you. The wig isn't fooling anyone, either.

 

- Troy Aikman

   Dear God, the lad still looks a bit concussed, even after all these years. He looks like he has to be wound up before speaking.