Sunday, May 23, 2004

the Wonderlic

    Sean Taylor was outscored on the NFL IQ test by plants, but that tells a little less than one would think it would. I'm sure he is a fine prospect.

    The UMiami average for NFL players is a 15, with Vince Wilfork also getting a 10. DJ Williams led the Miami prospects with a 21, which is roughly equivalent to a 100 score on an IQ test. Gotta love Football U. The Valedictorian Address at UMiami this year is called "How To Properly Cut Heroin".

    Keep in mind that these gentlemen are often struck in the head in the course of their day, and that few IQ tests outside of the NFL are taken in front of 300 drooling scouts and media. In a different setting, they might perform better. Although- unlike an office manager- Mr. Taylor's job will indeed be performed in front of media and scouts...and 70,000 maniacal, blood-thirsty fans.

    Someone in his draft class who has a name that may or may not rhyme with Issac Sopoaga got an 8, which is the equivalent of a 40 IQ- if he scored any lower, you'd have to water him. I can recall reading that former Patriot Big House Moore scored realllllllllllllllllly poorly, and that, when filling out his paperwork, he listed "Doctor" as his "in case of emergency, contact " number.

The record, btw, is that punter from Cincy a few years ago, the Ivy League guy, who got a 50 on the test. Not only did he ace the test, he probably went to the testers after and made several good suggestions about the test's format. I'll share out the other scores at the end of this letter, if I remember. BTW, if I revealed the IQ scores of my students, I would be fired and sued.

    Before attempting any real assessment of his intelligence, keep in mind that Sean probably didn't try that hard on the test. Much like what appears to be the rest of his college career, Mr. Taylor probably didn't care too much about all that Book Learnin'... and beyond having his accountant steal from him, this is probably the last time that his 3 R's skill will hurt him.

    Very few NFL teams are going to have him graph a series of numbers, or ask him to discriminate between synonym and antonym. He knows this, and was probably told so by his agent. He may very well have wrote "MEGADETH" in the test's answer sheet ovals, like Beavis.

    It doesn't matter. He's a linebacker who runs like a cornerback. You may even WANT him to be a little slow,,,une feuille blanche, no? Coach BB's defensive schemes are complicated- can't have him thinking about the Battle of Hattin and stuff like that. Memory is finite, and mental clutter slows processing speed. - Page2 - So, how do you score?

Senior Writer

    The Wonderlic is a simple intelligence test, about 30 years behind most common psychological tests. The NFL has been using it for about the same length of time. There are many NFL players who scored lower than Rain Man, and went on to have fine NFL careers.

    As an educator, I hold hope for the kid in a theory known as Multiple Intelligence. In a nutshell, this theory states that not all people have pen/paper intelligence. I had a student- a Wampanoag- who got a 20 or so when asked to write about her tribe's history. She writes like old people dance- shook and off beat, with a lot of errors. So, I had her get up and just tell her story, and she was interesting and compelling. I just chose the wrong means by which to have this young lady express her knowledge. Once the problem was dealt with, I was better able to truly measure her intellectual capacity on the subject.

    Van Gogh was an earless slacker who couldn't keep a post office job- but give him paint and a canvas, and he created little miracles. Dan Quayle became VP- a heart attack from leading this country- without being able to spell "potato". Paris Hilton thinks Wal-Mart sells walls, but throw in her sex tape, and she performs like a concert pianist- in a certain sense.

    Speaking of that, imagine if there was a Sexual Performance Combine test? "Wow, Sean Taylor has 8" length and can make 120 hip thrusts a minute for 35 minutes- he's a Keeper". Forget the XFL- imagine if the NFL starts losing prospects to porn?

    Sean may not be good at English or geography, but he can run 20 yards across a field and hit you so hard that your children will be born with names like "Unnhhh" and "Ouch". This will be Mr. Taylor's primary responsibility, and few intelligence tests have the capacity to measure that ability.

    I'm not a football player- I'm actually a 100 pound French-born female school teacher- but if Mr. Taylor hit me, he has the speed/strength combo to scramble my DNA to the point where I get off the ground looking a lot like David Wells. That is the ability they should be measuring Mr. Taylor on.

Here's those scores...

Larry Fitzgerald, Pittsburgh - 18
Roy Williams, Texas - 17
Rashaun Woods, Oklahoma State - 21
Reggie Williams, Washington - 17
Drew Henson, Michigan - 42
Eli Manning, Mississippi - 39
Ben Roethlisberger, Miami (OH) - 25
Craig Krenzel, Ohio State - 38
Philip Rivers, North Carolina State - 30
J.P. Losman, Tulane - 31
Kellen Winslow, Miami - 12
Ben Troupe, Florida - not listed...hmmmmmm     
Steven Jackson, Oregon State - 28
Kevin Jones, Virginia Tech - 15
Chris Perry, Michigan - 20
Greg Jones, Florida State - 25
Maurice Clarett, Ohio State - 20
Fred Russell, Iowa - 9
Vernon Carey, Miami (FL) - 18
Chris Snee, Boston College - 19
Steve Peterman, LSU - 20
Justin Smiley, Alabama - 21
Robert Gallery, Iowa - 23
Shawns Andrews, Arkansas - 20
Kelly Butler, Purdue - 29
Nat Dorsey, Georgia Tech - 35
D.J. Williams Miami (FL) - 21
Karlso Dansby, Auburn - 15
Michael Boulware, Florida State - 24
Kendyll Pope, Florida State - 18
Keyaron Fox, Georgia Tech - 16
Demorrio Williams, Nebraska - 12
Jonathan Vilma, Miami (FL) - 23
DeAngelo Hall, Virginia Tech - 23
Chris Gamble, Ohio State - 9 (lol)
Dunta Robinson, South Carolina - 13
Will Poole, Southern Cal -14
Ahmad Carroll, Arkansas - 17
Derrick Strait, Oklahoma - 15
Sean Taylor, Miami (FL) - 10
Sean Jones, Georgia - 18
Will Allen, Ohio State - 13
Will Smith, Ohio State - 23
Kenechi Udeze, Southern Cal - 18
Marquise Hill, LSU - 13
Antwan Odom, Alabama - 10
Tommie Harris, Oklahoma - 11
Vince Wilfork, Miami (FL) - 10
Marcus Tubbs, Texas - 21
Randy Starks, Maryland - 20
Darnell Dockett, Florida State - 17
Donnell Washington, Clemson - 8
Chad Lavalais, Big Dumb Guy State - 10
Igor Olshansky, Oregon - 29 


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