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Baseball season is winding down, and the Sox are guaranteed at least a playoff berth. Whether we'll be hosting said playoff games remains to be seen, but we're in the driver's seat. Prior to the battle Of New Orleans, the British sent Andrew Jackson a message implying that they'd be having their Christmas dinner in Chocolate City. "That may be the case," Jackson replied, "but I shall be presiding over that dinner."

 Much like the Founding Fathers outlasted the Limey Poofters, the feeling in this column is that the Red Sox will march on a road of bones to another World Series title. I should add that I'm a substitute columnist here, and that the regular columnist is in a coma to prevent her from killing someone if the Yankees pull some Bucky Dent-type snit.

I should also add that I had a pink "B" hat before they became fashionable, and the way to tell a fan from an arriviste is if said pink hat is all beaten up.

October looks to be Heart Attack time, so we'll say good-bye to summer with some nice football talk on a calm, sunny afternoon. I refuse to go to my local high school football games until the weather is cold enough to merit drinking hot cider, but we have the NFL to keep us occupied until then.

The Pats rolled over Buffalo to the tune of 38 points, and this one was only close for a quarter. Cincy is up next, and they should be a good warmup for the inevitable Indianapolis clash. We see Indy in the regular season, but one gets the sense that the real game plans will be coming out in the playoffs. Still, Cincy is another passing attack with some talent, and it will be good to tune up on them.

Cincy was supposed to be much, much better than they are. They have a #1 overall draft pick at QB who actually panned out (ours was a statue, but we got the Franchise is the 6th round a few years later). They have a runner good enough that they let Clock Killin' Corey Dillon go a few years ago. They have a huge offensive line. They have a bevy of talented receivers.

Unfortunately, you also have to play Defense in football, and their defense blows like the mighty North wind. They gave up like 70 points to an inept Cleveland squad earlier this year, and were basically the easy whore of Mr. Touchdown USA when we played them last year.... and they don't seem to have gotten much better.

Therefore... this Monday night, in front of a packed house and billions of fans on TV... the Patriots will walk out onto the field and stomp the Bangles like they were one of those flaming doggy bags that mean kids leave on the doorsteps of people who don't come correct with the Halloween candy. We'll hold their face into the wet carpet of inequality, then whack them on the nose with the rolled-up paper of Destiny.

I don't see us giving Indy the so called "A Game" in the regular season. Belly will want to bring out some surprises for our old friend Mr. Manning. We'll play them very vanilla, and will probably lose- perhaps for the only time this year.

However, I see us using a lot of the same things on Cincy that we'll use in the playoffs against Indy. Look on it as a sort of NFL Yom Kippur War, where the US and Soviets got to see all their military stuff tried out in a theater that doesn't result in the loss of Minsk or Seattle. Cincy is a good team, with a few minor problems to solve before they become contenders... but they're in the way of destiny, and destiny calls for New England to layeth the 38-21 smackdown on those poor Riverfront sons-of-witches.

Elsewhere in the N... where your favorite pig-tailed prognosticator is a respectable 30-18 so far this season (two 11-5 weeks sandwiched around an 8-8 stinker that featured wins by Detroit, Arizona, Houston and Cleveland).

 

Houston 13, Atlanta 9

Houston is 2-1, and will actually look a contenderish 3-1 after polishing off a doomed Falcons squad.

 

Baltimore 24, Cleveland 14

Baltimore is sort of the anti-Cincy... they can't throw worth a damn, but it's a bugger to score on them.

 

Miami 20, Oakland 13

Miami doesn't stink this badly, and Oakland should win about once a moon or so.

 

Chicago 10, Detroit 7

Chicago hanging an L on Detroit would go a long way towards making the NFC division standings make more sense. Rex Grossman turned in one of the worst games I've ever seen last week, but Detoit is Detroit.

 

NY Jets 17, Buffalo 16

Buffy hung with us for a quarter, but I always put my money on the more Cape Cod-ish team, and the Mangina's presence on the Jet sidelines leads me to favor them by one.

 

Green Bay 20, Minnesota 13

Minnesota has a fine team right down to the quarterback, who might lose to a good high school team. Green Bay will be the worst 4-0 team in history, although it's tough not to root for their silly redneck QB.

 

Dallas 24, St. Louis 23

Slewy can score, but they got slapped silly last week. Dallas was on the same field when Rex Grossman beat his own team. That's good enough for the extra point.

 

Pittsburgh 17, Arizona 14

Arizona is good-getting-better, but Pittsburgh hasn't fallen far enough from the SuperBowl perch to lose to them yet.

 

Carolina 24, Tampa Bay 17

I think that the Bucs should go back to those sweet old school orange jerseys, as (especially) should the Broncos. I punish them for it by choosing them to lose this game.

 

Seattle 13, San Fran 12

San Fran paid big money to Darrell Jackson, who Seattle refused to pay said big money to. Seattle developed this philosophy after paying big money to D-On Branch, who, ummm... let's just say that he didn't bring them any Super Bowls. I personally think that Seattle made the correct decision.

 

Indy 28, Denver 27

I almost lived dangerous and went with the Bronk Hos, but I see Indy/New England being a battle of unbeatens, and this loss- which could happen- would screw things up. Sorry, Denvah!

 

San Diego 38, KC, 17

Sandy has looked putrid all year, but they can re-establish some statistical balance by stuffing their yards-per-carry against this not-this-year-fellas bunch from the midwest.

 

Philly 30, NY Giants 28

This looks like a helluva game, and the Giants are my 3rd favorite team... but I'll go with Filthy-delphia.