Tuesday, March 13, 2007

We're drinkin' quarts on court, so how you handlin'?



Play along! You have to sign up for ESPN Fantasy, but what the hell?

Be careful when you sign up, or they try to sell you insurance and Pontiacs... which, in Colorado, means "Poor Old Nevadan thinks it's a Cadillac."


Go there, and make a name for yourself! I recommend utilizing a little flair, or at least representing your town.

Once you do that, you'll have to snoop around for the "Create/join an entry" Once you click that link, you have to look for the "Cape Cod Today" group. Here's the link to that:


Once you do THAT, you can create your bracket. Now... some people get discouraged. "I don't know anything about basketball," they say. To that, I will answer with the story of Beth.

Beth, as readers of this column know, is a friend of mine from AOL. When I broke my leg or had Melissa or something, she was kind enough to take over my AOL Blog... expressly for the purpose of making sure that I didn't fall out of the NFL fantasy league I was in.

My first choice was this guy named SportzAssassin who I saw go 16-0 calling NFL games one week, but he was one of the Others in that league, and was thus right out. Beth, as a teenage girl who is into things like clothes and boys, wasn't my ideal choice for this gig... but she's a nice kid, and she offered.

Off I went to wherever, and Beth made my football picks... using logic like "a Lion would kill a Cardinal" and "I always thought that 'The Patriot' was a good movie.... I choose them." When queried, the only NFL players she could name were "that cute one who always wins the Super Bowl (Tom Brady)" and "Randy Messy"... who I'm pretty sure is the Oakland flanker.

She went like 14-2, and won the league for me 2 weeks in a row. She then joined the league herself, and had a better record than Joe Theisman, Merrill Hoge, Mel Kiper Jr. and Chris Berman by the time she quit sports prognostication to concentrate on her job at the local Applebee's.

So... keep Beth in mind when you fill out your bracket. The best laid plans of mice and men often fail.. which is why God made cats.

Join. Play. Win.

"I'm liver(rhymes with 'driver') than, Allen Iverson, take it to the hole, throw it in, triple doublin."

"Sore loser, take off your jersey, cuz you're not (James) Worthy"

"I'm slammin' n****s like Shaquille."

"gettin' mad assists, like Skip To My Lou at the Rucker."

 "Get me on the court, and I'm trouble...Last week, messed around and got a triple double....freakin brothers every way, like MJ"

"Your gang is full of fakers, kid... you should trade your best player, like the Lakers did"

 "I got to have it... I miss Mr. Magic"

"Got me some of those Air Olden Polynices.."

 "I make girls happy...like the Knicks gettin' Jordan in a trade."

 "I treat you like Akeem, goin' for a rebound."

"I don't want to... but if I have to, I'll kick Kareem"

"I get high like Rik Smits"

"Lookin out of place, like Fuzzy Zoeller at the Rucker."

 "Simple and plain, give me the lane... I'll throw it down your throat like Barkley"

 "I was a Knicks fan, they had Stickland- they traded him... ever since then, I hated them."

"He finally wakes up... Doc's goin' to town."

1 comment:

gehi6 said...

I wish I had known you when my son was playing basketball in high school, headed he thought, for college basketball and the NBA  His sister and me kept suggesting he might not make the height  I thought to myself how many hearts get broken like this when somewhere along the way the dream of playing in NBA ends.  His teammate, Gerald Brown, is making a living playing basketball in Greece.  He was only 6'4" and a swing man so that might have made the Phoenix Suns cut him.  Now Dan is making movies and aims to win an Oscar.  Now this dream seems practical ---compared to the NBA.  Anyway what are your writing dreams now?  I don't think you should ever give up writing because you are witty and quick.  The only sportswriter I know is Raymond, I know his family, I know how he has sex with his wife, etc, I think a talented writer writes.  It doesn't matter.  They don't quit  They might switch gears.  And you are also a good photographer, too.  Si I would like to hear more blogs on this.  This interests me and I can't hardly shut up , but I will save it for next time.  Somehow when I come to your blog I can't stop comenting.  What is this?   Gerry http://journals.aol.com/gehi7/daughters-of-tehe-shadow-men/