Fee Fi Fo Fum

Fee Fi Fo Fum... I smell the blood of a Californian.

It''s tough to hate San Diego. They aren't a Hollwood Lakers crowd. They aren't some goofy Oakland fan dressing up like Darth Vader. A lot of the crowd are members of our military. San Diego is a nice place, with nice people, way down south on the coast... sort of the Georgia of  California.

Navy people from places without NFL teams often adopt San Diego as "their" team, much in the way that Catholics from colleges that suck at football tend to adopt Notre Dame. Even with New England's seafaring past, I'm sure the Navy vote would be for the Chargers.

Mexicans love the Chargers, and the team has one of the larger Hispanic fan bases in the L. Much like my French dad would sort of instinctively root for Notre Dame because the school is named in his native tongue, Cali's large Hispanic population loves the San Diego team closest to their home country.

Even though I'm French, I never gave a damn about Our Lady, myself. I'm very parochial when it comes to sports teams. I root for Boston in every sport, unless they are playing Buzzards Bay. I'm reminded of that guy in the Civil War... "I fight for America... until America divides, at which point I fight for Kentucky... until Kentucky divides, at which point I fight for my town... until my town divides, at which point I'll just defend my house." 

You could probably see me veering off the beaten path into Sports Parochialism when I was 7 years old, listening to Johnny Most with my father. I do like New Orleans, but that has nothing to do with my French roots...I have a girlkfriend who lives there, and I like their uniforms. But I digress...

Now, San Diego is 14-2, they have the best player in the game, and they are hosting today's entertainment. They have a brutal defense. We have to play them in front of 70,000 howling Mexicans and US Navy personnel. Only a fool would bet against them.

Here's why New England will win:

- The Dirty Rotten Rhymer

Marty Schottenheimer is 5-13 in playoff games. Some day, he'll need a job the same year fellow choker Peyton Manning needs a coach. This will be the equivalent of saying, "We need some liquid to put out this fire... hand me that gasoline."

Marty going up against Belly Check is like watching a mongoloid take his scissors to the fuse box... something is going to happen, and- while it won't likely be good- it will be trrrrrremendously entertaining.

- Steroids

The Chargers love them some steroids. Shawne Merriman was busted for them this year,and Steve Foley- while never testing positive much- got mad enough at a cop that he had to be shot more than once. God only knows who else is McGwiring in that locker room.

Now... San Diego can't be losing Merriman for the Super Bowl, and the NFL can test whenever they feel like it. Shawne has most likely been clean for some time now... maybe weeks, even.

Steroids are like turning into The Hulk when you get angry. You will briefly become a Juggernaut... but smashing all those tanks is cathartic, and the Hulk eventually mellows out and becomes Dr. Banner again.

Merriman has been pounding on NFL QBs all year, but is this the week that Dr. David Banner wakes up in the zoo in stretched/torn clothing? I'll sure enjoy it if it is!

- LT II = Faulk II

We don't know that yet. He just reminds me of Marshall Faulk.... a superb back who is going to become much less effective once he starts taking some serious shots. Faulk fell to pieces once Tebucky and Lawyer started teeing off on him in our first Super Bowl,and look for LT to wilt like a cut flower once someone like Vrabel cheap-shots him in the back after a play.

- The kid QB is gonna wet the bed in front of half the world.

Belly Check has a trophy room featuring the heads of Manning, McNabb, Big Ben, McNair, Delhomme, Warner,etc... has Rivers shown you something to make you think he's anything more than just the next clown out of the car? Me either.

- God likes us better.

God also hates Schottenheimer. See "Denver vs. Cleveland, 1987" for proof. Expect snow in San Diego today.

New England,21-20