Ginny The Greek

Week 2

There are teams like Carolina, Dallas, and Miami that are supposed to be Super Bowl contenders, and instead will end this week 0-2. That gets QBs benched, coaches fired, and trades made.

You could very well see the last game of Drew Bledsoe's career this week, and you may even see guys like Joe Gibbs looking all confused on the sideline. Joe's job is safe, but I can see the hook coming out early for Nancy Drew.

The other fun part is when some really bad team gets 2-0, and people start thinking juggernaut. The only comparison I can make is the 1999 Red Sox and Wayback Wasdin. There was a period where Wasdin was 7-0 in short relief... and WEEI had a guy on saying "The best part about Wasdin at 7-0 is that there are people who look at the stat sheets and say 'Wow... this guy is good.' Those are the people who get rooked in trades."

Anywho... here's how I see it going down this week... and remember, point spreads are for entertainment purposes only.

 

New England (-6) at NYJ

Tom Brady would be better served by performing dropkicks every time we get beyond the 30 than passing the ball to Reche Caldwell.

New England, 13-10

 

Arizona at Seattle (-7)

I still can't view Seattle as a step up from the Patriots, but only the S'awks were in the Super Bowl last year. I really like Arizona, just not enough to pick them here.

Seattle, 21-13

 

New Orleans (-2) at Green Bay

If the NFL were the WWE, this game would be a Scotty Too Hotty vs. Tatanka match. I like the sound of "Oh for Favre" too much to pick the Pack to win before at least Week 6. Note that like Eric Clapton and Joe Perry, Brett Favre performs better when full of drugs.

New Orleans, 7-6

 

Oakland at Baltimore (-12)

The Ravens literally curb-stomped the Bucs last week, while the Raiders may somehow go 0-17 in a 16 game season.

Baltimore, 21-10

 

Tampa Bay at Atlanta (-5 1/2)

The Forty Year Old Virgin scored more than Tampa did last week, while the Falcons beat the Pant(her)s off Carolina. If Tampa isn't all that good, this will be the week where we find out.

Atlanta, 16-15

 

Carolina (-1 1/2) at Minnesota

Carol has too much talent to start 0-2, but the USA shouldn't have lost in Vietnam, either.

Carolina, 21-7

 

Kansas City at Denver (-10 1/2)

Even if he hasn't woken up from his concussion yet, I'd still rather have Trent Green starting at QB for me than Liquid Plummer.

Denver, 17-7

 

Detroit at Chicago (-8 1/2)

Detroit had a coach arrested for- get this- pulling up to a McDonald's drive-thru with no pants. If I were a Lion, I'd play my best for him, ba-rum-bum-bum-bum.

Chicago, 9-7

 

Buffalo at Miami (-6 1/2)

If Miami stomps the team we needed a lucky safety to beat last week, you may want to re-envision your AFC East power rankings.

Miami, 21-17

 

Washington at Dallas (-6)

During the game's final drive, Nancy Drew Bledsoe drops back to pass, calcifies in place, and is shattered by a blindside hit from 'skins safety Sean Taylor. Players from both teams will throw pieces of the former Pats QB into the crowd, and E-bay will feature items like "Drew Bledsoe's calcified spleen" the following morning.

Dallas, 9-6

 

Houston at Indianapolis (-13 1/2)

"If I owned Hell and Texas, I'd live in Hell and rent Texas."... General Phillip Sheridan, during Reconstruction. It's not often that you look at a 13 1/2 point spread and think "Wow... that's light."

Indianapolis, 31-7

 

Cleveland at Cincinnati (-10)

Chad Johnson was signing books last week. A fan approached him. "I have you and Carson Palmer on my fantasy team. You've GOT to get him to throw you the ball more." Johnson took out his cell phone, called Palmer at home, and handed the phone to the fan. "Here... tell him yourself." That, and the reindeer gig he almost pulled off last year, is why CJ is my favorite non-Patriot.

Cincy, 28-3

 

St. Louis (-3) at San Francisco

Each team had a period where they were the class of the NFL, and each had a period where good high school teams would have beaten them. The glory days of both teams are so far in the past, kids in San Francisco think "Jerry Rice" is a soul food side order.

St. Louis, 23-17

 

NY Giants at Philly (-3)

I can see the NFC East being 4 teams operating around the .500 level. This fact, more than any matchup from this game, drives my pick. Eagles fans talking about not missing T.O. is like your friend who got dumped... the more she says she's glad he's gone, the more full of it she is.

NYG, 17-16

 

Tennessee at San Diego (-11 1/2)

You're gonna go 3-13 anyhow, Tennessee... why not throw Vince Young out there every game?

San Diego, 24-13

 

Pittsburgh (-1 1/2) at Jacksonville

The difference between a good Monday Night game and a bad one is that I'm awake early and everyone has hot breakfast ready for when they wake up if the game sucks, and me being awoken by one of my kids jumping onto my chest and my husband eating Ho-Hos for breakfast before work if it's a good one. I've already bought the Ho Hos.

Pittsburgh, 16-15