I smell the cheeb like a beagle

   If you really study the Bible like I do, you'll see that there is no real prohibition against lying in it. In fact, scripture such as Phil 3:16 states that "She who fibbeth shall prosper." I may not know a lot, but I know better than to piss off the Man.

   But I promised I'd give up the answer, and I'm a Smurf of my word. Before we do, a quick review of the stories in question... two of which are true, and one of which I thought I could slip past most people.

1) I was given the nickname "Smurf" while trying out for a TV show.

2) I had to return thousands of dollars to a terrifying mob figure, but he gave me a ride home afterwards.

3) I met my husband by falling off a wall, and I got sick on him.

   For all the redneck images one associates with fishing, it's actually a pretty deep example of psychological warfare. You immerse yourself in the world of the fish, and try to float a nice tasty treat by him that he'll risk the hook for. You have to think like a fish, and- depending on the bait- act like a fish.

   Conventional intelligence matters very little in this realm. It's the great equalizer- I know guys who smoke crack that have landed 40" stripers, and I know people who have doctorates who can't bait a hook.

    All the work is rewarded when you feel that little nibble. You don't snap the line back right away- that would uck fup everything. No, you let the little scaly bastard take a good bite, get that hook deep in his mouth, then THWACKK!!! You set the hook and drag him up on the beach... then make your husband take the hook out of his mouth, because it's icky.

   Lying is a lot like fishing. Either all Jews are evil, or Hitler was lying... and 50 million Germans don't fool easily. Lying requiresbrains, charisma, insight, showmanship... and the ability to assess both what your prey wants, and how much they'll pay for it.

   You and I are not playing on a level playing field, here. Adventure finds me. Even my lie was mostly true. People who know me IRL were telling me, "You should have included that time you kicked the guy in the nuts," or stuff like that. I was rather fond of my last entry, and I like it just the way it is,

   As far as which one is the lie, it's #1. I got the "Smurf" nomme de guerre from some friends on AOL. I wanna say Phyllis, but I might be wrong. Many of you know of my fondness for the old sticky-icky-icky, and I forget stuff now and then. I'm kind of stalling right now, hoping Suzi logs on and remembers for me.

  I'm pretty sure it was Phyllis, though... or someone at WOWTOWN, my all time favorite chat room. Phyllis also hung "Thumper" on me, which I actually like better. "Smurf" or "Thumper" aren't actually that bad when compared to either my real name or what my diplomas look like. While I won't give any personal info out here, I get asked what my Island is like a lot...  but we won't go there right now.

   Props to John Scalzi for a fat weekend assignment.