Jackie interviews Stacey

 

(from Jackie's journal)

Interview

First: The rules- because every has got to have them, you know. Leave me a comment saying 'Interview me.' The first five to leave a comment requesting to be participants will be interviewed. I will respond by asking you five questions. You will update your blog/site with the answers to the questions and a link to my site. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post. When others comment asking to be interviewed,you will ask them five questions. ( Ask your own, or copy someone elses.)

http://journals.aol.com/jackiebenice/blah/

 

Here we go:

1) What have you learned through having an online journal?        

 - I was on the Welcome screen, and I didn't even know it.  

- You can order fried catfish at Italian places in Houston.  

- Policemen will let you off on Disorderly Conduct charges if the local baseball team is winning....as long as you're in suburbia. In the city, they shoot women for it like Gaza Strip protesters.  

- If you ever sit courtside at an NBA game as a fight starts in the crowd....don't try to take refuge on that nice empty court. You might get tooled on.  

- Excessive marinade is required to "properly" cook a steak on a Foreman Grill.  

- People in Georgia don't know what a "frappe" is.  

- I have absolutely no idea what grits are, and every person in Virginia I asked told me they grow on trees.  

- Prettier women than I have forgiven their husband's infidelity/possible rape when given a 7 carat diamond.  

- You can buy, transport and distribute a pound of rice to tsunami victims for a dollar a pound.  

- It is quite possible to knock down a city with a radio frquency device known as a "Tesla weapon."  

- When driving in Texas, 3 successive right hand turns equal a left hand turn.  

- Left alone for 36 hours, a married man will eat off of a frisbee before running the dishwasher.  

- Men love sports. They also love female sportwriters. I've had several proposals, both marriage and indecent, There exists a large poplulation of people on AOL who will ask for sex after two lines: "hello" and "I like your journal." I'm not really that good-looking, either.  

- There is no Major League Soccer team called the "Cleveland Steamers."  

- I have never- ever- had a positive response when I tell people I'm from France. At best, I get sexual innuendo.  

- According to a guy from Alabama (who admittedly had never skated), blacks will never dominate professional hockey due to their genetically weak ankles.  

- Lion tastes like liver.  

- They have radios in NASCARs, but they don't listen to music when they drive. No one smokes when they drive, now....but many used to.  

- If you see a dog or a horse go to the bathroom before a race, bet on it to win the race. I would imagine that this would also apply to sprinters, although they rarely soil the infield.  

- Low riders have small steering wheels, so the driver can drive with handcuffs on.  

- If you're pregnant and speak in heavily accented French-English, Texans think you're Mexican- even if you're as pale as an ice rink.  

- If you grow up to become a teacher, don't include it in your AOL profile. I get the "Wanna Make A Chalk Angel?" question ten times on a slow night.    

 

2) What is one thing that no one knows about you?       In 1986, I answered an ad in Sports Illustrated For Kids that requested subjects for medical testing. After several heavies visited my parents to secure temporary custody, I was taken to a research facility in Duxbury, Massachusetts.

      Once there, I was fed nothing but shark meat and deer blood. I had several computer chips implanted into my neck, spine, and frontal lobes. While undergoing sleep deprivation, exposure to cold, mock assassinations of family members, and Rodney King-style group beatings, I was subjected to re-education that I have no memory of.

   Eventually (I lost track of the light/dark cycle around day 17), I was released back to my parents, with a Girl Scout Merit Badge and an unexplainable yet irresistibly deap-seated conviction that North Korean leader Kim Jong Il must be removed from power- by force, if necessary. I also seem to be inexplicably familiar with certain features of Korean geography, and am remarkably proficient with an impressive variety of weaponry.        

 

3) Everyone says they will never forget their first love.. Who was yours, and what do you remember most about it?

      Some kid named Todd Whatshisname.        

 

4) If you could switch places with anyone for a day, who would it be and why?     

   The East Indies nation of Brunei is ruled by a Sultan. When oil was discovered on his lands, his family instantly became one of the wealthiest on the planet. Sort of an Asiatic Beverly Hillbillies.

    The current Sultan is known for giving a $300,000 tip to a hotel desk clerk who found him a pumice stone. This same Sultan is also the one who maintains a harem, paying the girls (one a former Miss America, who claimed to have suffered brutal one year slutship) in the millions of dollars.

    Money is good, but Power makes the money spend happier. I've considered fighting my way to the top of the harem before killing the Sultan, leaving me as the sole heir. Failing that, I'd settle for a one day switch.      

 

5) Whatis the one lie you have told, and wish you hadn't?    

  To this day, my husband thinks I have a sister "Shannon" in Frederick, Maryland. She doesn't exist. It is a running joke my sisters and I play on our spouses, and it gets us one extra sister call a week before they start saying, "Her again?"     

   My only regret there is that I've been outdone. Not only has kid sister Shea used this story on her boyfriends, she has even used different friends of hers to play the role of Shannon when some logistical ju-jitsu was required to cut a weak date short.        

The first 5 people who leave a comment here saying "Interview Me" will get an email from me. I will offer 5 questionstoyou. Answer them, and leave links to the source (Jackie)- as well as your offer to interview your own readership.