Ron Artest New Year's Resolutions

In 2005, Ron Artest will:

- Release his next album during the NBA offseason

- When attacking crowds, try to punch a Black, a Hispanic, and an Asian for every white person he punches.....to avoid bringing race into the issue

- Travel to Wal-Marts across the nation, getting stuff off the top shelves for short people.....to "make it up" to the fans.

- Eliminate the middle-man by just throwing his paycheck at whoever tosses beer on him.

- Join the US Marines, where ass-kicking is appreciated.

- Put the hard foul on Steve Nash next time.

- Point out to the media that Kobe Bryant was accused of raping a 100 pound woman, and HE wasn't suspended for the year before the trial. "Man...next time, I'll just go into the stands and forcibly sodomize someone."

- Next time, run into the crowd in Sacramento, where people are less likely to fight back.

- Try out for the Indiana Pacers under the nom de guerre of "Don Artest" or "The Artest Formerly Known As Ron"

- Say that he thought that the men he was attacking were with the Taliban.

- Claim that he was rushing into the stands to defend Mrs. Carlos Delfino, who was being hit on by spectator and noted Mexican girl hunter Karl Malone.

- Reveal that he has been doing a lot of work with unwed mothers.

- Use his free time to get elected to the US Senate, and make "punching someone in the face" legal.

- Pretend that he thought the white guy in the Pistons shirt he punched was Darko Milicic.

- Hire whoever he attacked, and have them claim in court that it was a TruWarrier records publicity stunt.

- Once reinstated, buy a ticket to a game, rush into the stands, and attack himself.

- Claim that he was steered to assault by violent video games like Pokemon.

- Talk David Stern into paying him not to come back next year.

- Get hit by a tsunami, and attack the western Pacific Ocean.

- Show up- dressed to play- for the Indiana Pacers practice on January 2nd...."Dude said I was suspended for the year, no?"

- Go spend the other $5 million he's made over his career.

- "David Stern, another white devil trying to keep the black man down"

- "400 years of slavery, and I can't hit a white guy??"

- Attack someone in prison, and get banned from there, too.

- Answer the prosecuting attorney's questions in Freestyle.

- "Stern didn't fine Sue Nami a dime, and she killed like 100,000 Yao Mings."

- "Your Honor, I'll be honest....I'm not the sm-Artest guy in the world."