Sunday, February 3, 2008

18 and No!

(from Cape Cod Today)

Elle here...

As you've seen in the past... Stacey sort of goes life and death with these games. Seeing as the Pats just choked on the biggest game of the year, you can imagine her mental state right now. She's a threat to others and herself.

 So... the next time she turns her back... we're going to sedate her. This will be an Elle-jumps-her-from-behind-and-strangles-her type of sedation. Seeing as she lost a summer from the Red Sox just teasing her with choking, we'll put her recovery from this at 2-3 months.

Honestly... if you could see her face right now.... it's an enraged disappointment.

She's about 5 feet tall, drunk, and not expecting it... and her husband- who fought in Mogadishu- is refusing to be the one who takes her out. So it falls to me....

I don't know what this family is going to do when I go off to college next year, I really don't.

Wish me luck... I'm going in...



Abdullah here.

Stacey saw Elle coming, was able to parry her assault... and the brawl went through the living room, out into the street, and down onto the beach. Stacey was holding Elle's head under the water of Little Buttermilk Bay when the Colonel finally stepped in and put her out with some sort of Mr. Spock neck pinch.

Stacey is bleeding from the head, and I would estimate that Elle broke a few ribs when they went through the coffee table (which is was solid oak). Elle also swallowed a lot of water. Stacey is now in a sort of fitful sleep, and we're currently seeking out some heavy sedatives from the local black market.

We're listing Stacey as being out 6 to 8 weeks (the revitalization of the Celtics should speed her recovery), while Elle probably won't have a sense of humor for 2 weeks. Either I'll be writing this column until then, or we'll recruit one of Stacey's AOL friends.

That's all from Buzzards Bay... we now take you back to your regularly scheduled programming.


geocachelinda66 said...

OMG too funny!  It was quite an upset wasn't it?  However being a native NYer I liked both teams and was glad to see that it was an exciting game!  Linda

ma24179 said...

I'm sooo sorry..... :( -Missy

hewasolddog299 said...

Poor Smurfette! Sadly, I was aboard a Com-Air flight from Bean town during the disgraceful display, so was spared all but the final outrage of a gleeful flight attendant dancing the Boogaloo on the flight deck ("Don't you cross this line, Buster, or we'll heave your sorry carcass out that door, hear?") in co-celebration with all other NY Giants brats. I do wish ATC had kept the bloody score to themselves, but Noooo! -- we have to get a Chatty Cathy who felt compelled to update the entire aviation fleet over the North Atlantic every minute-and-a-half...

Sucks. Simply sucks.

gehi6 said...

I don't know what to make of this brawl, but I rushed over here to tell the sports person or people who write this blog that I have some inside scoop as to why the Patriots lost.  You know I live in Arizona, right?  My sister's boyfriend who is a Mexican with a green card (very important now days) who just got recertified after months of delay works in a big hotel north of the stadium.  The Patriots had been housed over in Scotsdale but moved themselves over to this hotel because it was closer to the stadium, I don't know how many days before.  Many of them came down with the runs, even accused the cook of putting something in their food!  Meaning they were thinking about something else during the gave and attributed the bad food to losing.  This would have could have happened in Mexico had the Superbowl been played there, but it is true, the Patriots might not have been prepared for Arizona germs the natives have become immune, to.  Does this mean we will not get another superbowl here any time soon?  I don't know.  You might investigate this story by interviewing the affected players.  I am a fan of Stacey, Elle, and Abdullah, whoever writes this blog as I love a good sense of humor. And I don't want Stacey to be felled so low by the conviction that the Patriots choked.  Not even great football players are prepared to ignore everything for the win.   Gerry

lurkynat said...

Dearest Smurfette, awwwww
don't get too sad on me now,
we got too much to do and
places to go
people to see
sooo hold up partner!