(from Cape Cod Today)
As you've seen in the past... Stacey sort of goes life and death with these games. Seeing as the Pats just choked on the biggest game of the year, you can imagine her mental state right now. She's a threat to others and herself.
So... the next time she turns her back... we're going to sedate her. This will be an Elle-jumps-her-from-behind-and-strangles-her type of sedation. Seeing as she lost a summer from the Red Sox just teasing her with choking, we'll put her recovery from this at 2-3 months.
Honestly... if you could see her face right now.... it's an enraged disappointment.
She's about 5 feet tall, drunk, and not expecting it... and her husband- who fought in Mogadishu- is refusing to be the one who takes her out. So it falls to me....
I don't know what this family is going to do when I go off to college next year, I really don't.
Wish me luck... I'm going in...
Stacey saw Elle coming, was able to parry her assault... and the brawl went through the living room, out into the street, and down onto the beach. Stacey was holding Elle's head under the water of Little Buttermilk Bay when the Colonel finally stepped in and put her out with some sort of Mr. Spock neck pinch.
Stacey is bleeding from the head, and I would estimate that Elle broke a few ribs when they went through the coffee table (which
is was solid oak). Elle also swallowed a lot of water. Stacey is now in a sort of fitful sleep, and we're currently seeking out some heavy sedatives from the local black market.
We're listing Stacey as being out 6 to 8 weeks (the revitalization of the Celtics should speed her recovery), while Elle probably won't have a sense of humor for 2 weeks. Either I'll be writing this column until then, or we'll recruit one of Stacey's AOL friends.
That's all from Buzzards Bay... we now take you back to your regularly scheduled programming.