Enough Beta Carotene To Turn A Baby Orange

The Pimpkin Patch

This is Mazzilli's Farm Stand in Wareham. When we heard they had green and white pumpkins, we immediately dispatched Elle and Abdullah to investigate... and bring back proof. No mangy bear Sasquatch here, folks... we deal in fact.

 

The green ones are Snake Gouds, and are strictly for show. Don't be eating the green pumpkins.

 

 

Rotten shot... but those front pumpkins are mammoth... maybe 50-75 pounds. The world record is abut 1400 or so... the 1200 pound pumpkin I saw at the Topsfield Fair was bigger than my college dorm.

 

 

Other than the fact that Mazilli's is on busy Rte 6 and opposite the "White Pines (Lines) crack hotel, the scenery is positively bucolic.

 

 

They also have a wide selection of African Fertitlity phallic symbols. Note the squash and the watermelon fighting for space in the same bin, much like summer and autumn fight it out every October for atmospheric preeminence.

 

The big orange one in the front is called a Cinderella pumpkin, it's wide and thin, and looks like someone tried to smash it really badly before giving up. I bought like 5 of them.

 

Let a man use your camera.. get a half-obscured shadowy pumpkin. I wasn't strong enough to hold the pumpkin and focus the camera, so I didn't kvetch about it til he had long since lost interest in this particular project.

I named that pumpkin Captain Lou Albino.

 

In fact... by the time I left... I had corn stalks tied to my roof, mums, 10 different kinds of pumpkins, 2 bales of straw... and it'll all just sit in my yard til Thanksgiving, impressing maybe 5 neighbors and my babysitter.

 

 

 

There's the white pumpkin again.... just to give you an idea how much weight I can hold in one hand steadily.

 

 

If you plan to rob Mazzilli's, may I suggest just grabbing this cart and taking off rickshaw-style?

 

 

A few pumpkin links...

Cooks.com - Recipe - Stuffed Pumpkin

Pumpkin Chowder Recipe

YouTube - Mayonaise - Smashing Pumpkins Live... YouTube - The Smashing Pumkins "Zero"

itgdcb - Putfile.com (one of the most offensive things I've ever seen, and also brutally funny... I actually spit a Newport out of my mouth when Lucy was bobbing for apples).

YouTube - Giant Pumpkin Time Lapse, High Speed Camera Explosion (if you're going to bed hungry tonight, it may amuse you to know that somebody blew up 1000 pounds of pumpkin pie with a half pound of dynamite.

YouTube - Border Collie Attacks Pumpkin.. my border collie- Sloppy- took about $40K out of my pocket by doing this to my Monponsett house.

 

propz

 

Hi!

Horn-tooting... another AOL interview for Stacey.... Redskins Behind Patriot Lines: Five [Plus One] Questions With An Enemy Blogger - FanHouse - AOL Sports Blog

I think that I have one more gig there... when the Dolphins turn up on the schedule again.... but enjoy that one while it's lasting.

 The Red Sox brought the ruckus last night,and now hold a 2-0 lead on the lookin'-overmatched Colorado Rockies. They might beat Dice K or something, but we can throw Beckett twice in 5 games, and that's pretty much going to be the World Series right there, folks.

 Colorado has fine skiing, and it's already snowing up that way. They'll be fine. Call me in 86 years, and see if I have any sympathy.

Pity is a funny thing. Only humans have it, and humans are very selective about when they use it. Peyton Manning doesn't know who I am and has never purposefully tried to harm me... but if I heard that he'd torn his knee up today, I'd be pleased.

Tearing up your knee hurts really, really badly... like wicked bad. It may make Manning cry, and even Rodney Harrisson won't call him a p****y over it. I'd wince as I watched the injury, just like a non-sociopath would.... but you'd be amazed how quickly my mind would shift into a whole other gear. "That's a whole season and the playoffs, easy... who's the backup?..... can Indy still win the division?.... has the trade deadline passed?.... possible wild card advancing now.....etc..." As the consequence of the injury set in, I may even crack a little smile..... although I'd make an effort not to let my daughters see me doing so.

I wouldn't be alone, either. Football is an ugly game, and injury is the reality. If Manning gets hurt, that's reality... and you have to deal with reality eventually. The time one wastes on pity is time taken away from preparation for the new reality. Allowing yourself a small chuckle is merely a device for defeating pity, which takes longer to exhibit than mirth does.

Anything can happen out there... which is why sports betting is so fun. It gives Manning- who actually looks like a decent enough gentleman- a chance to get back at me for laughing at his ACL injury, by beating the point spread and costing me my week's pay at the high school.

The best way to avoid letting Manning beat you by himself is to bet a lot of games. The best way to do that is to get a lot of help from your babysitter, as well as heeding what your bookmaker friend tells you. Between Elle, Abdullah and myself, we have brought you today's football picks:

 

NY Giants 21, Miami 17

Miami is in that fast-spin part of the slow swirl into the septic tank. At least they have a superb autumn climate. Last week Miami looked like my high school team at Duxbury looked when we'd go play a city team and get stomped on by all the klack girls.... 60 minutes of in-over-their-heads terror.

 

Oakland 14, Tennessee 13

This season, you have to pick teams that you don't like every now and then. Hence, the Raiders.

 

Philly 31, Minny 21

More than one team will be firing the scout who advised them to pass over freakish Minnesota tailback Adrian Peterson. The boy runs angry.... and he has a good reason to be angry, because the 21 points I pedicted equals him running wild all day, his QB-deficient offense failing to get into the end zone, and Minnesota having to kick 7 field goals.

 

St. Louis 34, Cleveland 28

St. Louis has to win some time, and a loss to an 0-7 team can be hidden easily enough among the other losses on Cleveland's 2007 resume. St. Louis QB Marc Bulger is actually, in a week-by-week basis, being pursued more doggedly than federal fugitive Whitey Bulger.

 

Chicago 14, Detroit 13

Detroit has been burning me all year, but I don't see them winning the requisite amount of these type of games that separate the 7-9s from the 10-6s.

 

Carolina 28, Indy 27

Someone will be looking ahead to New England/Indy... I choose Them.

 

Pittsburgh 21, Cincy 20

Both of these teams have looked ugly recently, but the bangles look uglier.

 

Jacksonville 10, Tampa 7

There may be better backyard football games in Florida that day, especially near UMiami.

 

NY Jets 20, Buffalo 19

Avid historian Belichick was actually gathering material for his The Sudden Rise And Fall Of The Mangina documentary that fateful/costly afternoon in September.

 

San Diego 24, Houston 14

If Sn Diego were a big Unit, their coach would be the Anti-Viagra. Call your doctor if you can't get a stiffy in 16 weeks. They can beat these clowns, though.

 

 New Orleans 28, San Francisco 7

I owe Pastor Sprague this much for that home run of a prayer he seems to have hit with the Big Guy in regards to the Red Sox. I should have him pray for my mutual funds.

 

 Green Bay 70, Denver 0

Fuh Colorado.

 

New England 38, Washington 21

21 of those 21 Redskin points will be scored against guys who are on the Patriot roster because Belichick owed their college coach a favor. If Tom Brady wanted to fu** your daughter, would you really stop him at this point? 

 

Looks Like You Can't Go Home Again....

My sister sent me some pictures of the new owner tearing down my old house in Duxbury.

 

You see... the ceiling had this leak. We tried to fix it, carpenters tried to fix it... kept leaking. You kind of got used to it after a while. The new owner didn't feel that way. You'll also notice that they let my garden go to Hell.

 

Nice spot.....waterfront, in a rich town. Those little circular windows on the upper floor were actual portholes.

 

This house survived Hurricane Belle, Gloria, Bob... as well as countless Nor'Easters, including the Clooney-worthy Perfect Storm.

 

Had the Pilgrims wanted direct waterfront access,,,this could very well have been where they landed. Plymouth Rock is just a short seagull flight south.

 

I've bought a lot of property in my short (shut up) life.... and it never hurts to remember, when buying real estate, to:

A) Visit it at night, to see how the neighborhood is in the dark.

B) Schedule a visit when it's raining, so as to look for tear-your-house-down-typeleaks

 

 

Here's the front view, basically. That's my flagpole.

Tags:

 

Duxbury Beach

Vidz

I watch a lot of TV wrestling, and I know that most wrestlers can take a fall. Still, even my husband was like "OMG" when this happened.

WWE: Mediaplayer > WWE.com Exclusive: Candice receives medical attention after her match

Well,,,,the Colonel doesn't actually say "OMG," but it is still a truly ugly video.

Broken clavicle, btw....

*********************************************************

We need levity.... YouTube - Jonathan Papelbon Does an Irish Jig in his Underwear

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 The best part about this video is that there aren't a lot of White Guy Dunk Contests, especially in Europe....the poor girl probably never knew what was coming........ YouTube - Girl Owned In Slam Dunk Contest

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Sportsmanship is key to a guy like Chad Johnson, who would never show up someone he beat.... YouTube - Football dance

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Why the Colonel never lets me drive his truck..... YouTube - Horrible NASCAR Crash

Disturbing The Priest

 

Most of you don't know that I spent a lot of 2005 involved in Katrina relief work. During that time, I established a rapport with the Pastor of the Trinity Church in Covington, Louisiana. Here's the addy... http://www.trinitychurchonline.net/index.html

I (well...actually...Jamie Mottram and Bob Wooldridge) got him a FAT free radio ad played nationally on AOL, and I also got him some much-needed warehouse space. I aoperated a message board that helped people get in contact with missing family memebrs. I even housed refugees.

 Toot Toot my own horn, yes....

I have friends in Louisiana, and I was driven by that to become involved when Katrina basically smashed their hometown into wet kindling. They're fine, now... I spent a chunk of this summer visiting there, and they basically own a plantation. Pure Southern Luxury.

But I still keep in touch with Pastor Sprague....... we still trade emails now and then.... the motherlover works like a hungry immigrant, and God is lucky to have that man on  His side.

But I'm a bottom-line kind of girl.... and don't try to shove that soul-caging Eternal Reward stuff down my throat when I want something tangible.... so it's time call in Pastor Sprague's marker.

From the "Sent Mail" section of Monponsett's AOL account:

 

Pastor Sprague,  

You owe me...

I got you a free national radio ad during the greatest crisis your flock ever faced, as well as leaning on the guy who got you the warehouse space..... and, while some might not want to put the squeeze on a Pastor. I'm not above such things.   It's time to collect.  

At the next mass (or whatever you Southerners call it... I was drafted by the Catholics, myself) you preach.... and at every Mass afterwards until All Saints Day (unless there's a lot of rain in the New England area, which will lengthen the time needed) ... I want a public prayer for the Boston Red Sox to win the 2007 World Series. Don't play it for comedy, either... I want God listening seriously when you address Him.  

Now.. I know that there are souls to pray for, hungry to feed, poor to help along, and so forth... and that's all well and good. I know you've been working tirelessly helping out after Katrina, and I appreciate that (and I'm not alone).... but, like, all those people can wait a couple weeks, no?  

I mean... I'm trying to cover all the bases. I've spoken with a Muslim friend of mine who handles my illegal sports booking, and he assured me that he'd go to his Imam with my request. My attorney will be speaking to his Rabbi. I smoke a little grass now and then, so Buddha is covered. I live near Boston... which is essentially Dublin West....so I figure that the Catholics are already locked in. You're my Baptist.  

Now, stop all this clowning around with the Katrina victims and get to work. Don't make me have to come down there.  

- Stacey

 

 

Update.... Sprague works quick, I'll give him that:

 

 Stacey,  

You got it!!!!!!!!!!    

Everyone down here is for Boston! I don't know one person in the south who isn't cheering for the SOX. Honest.  

It's a done deal. Boston's got it. Even this old Orioles fan is sold out to the Sox this world series. Actually its anybody but the Yankees. Sox in 6 games.

We are even now.  

Sleep easy.  

- Pastor Michael

Tags: Red Sox, Katrina, Trinity Church

Massachusetts Uber Alles

As the smoke stench from the ruined Meza Luna wafts across the bay into my window... we have a whole heckuvalot to talk about.

Manny, bases loaded, 1-2, 1st inning... Carmona throwing straight 90s at him... on the coach at home, UMJ.

Grand Salami! J.D. Drew just matched his regular season RBI total in one swing.

Baseball is my least favorite sport. It's high drama, no doubt.... I just never could play it. My eyesight is too bad (or, as I like to say, the ball is too small), and I don't really like to have stuff thrown at me. I spend a lot of time going EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK when I play baseball, which isn't often.

Now, get me on the court, and I'm trouble... last week, I messed around and had a triple double.... but I digress.

The Sox will be dead or alive by the time you read this, so we'll just sort of let them work that out for themselves. We're here to talk football, as I sort of neglected to do it during the week because I was Otherwise Occupied. We did get a bit of Miami talk out of the Monponsett AOL interview, so we can skip that other than to predict a 17-13 Patriots win, well below the 74 point spread that I think Vegas is providing.

 

Tennessee 13, Houston 10

When in doubt, bet on the team which has sucked less historically 

 

Tampa Bay 17, Detroit 16

More history... Detroit once lost the Battle Of Detroit. Bet Tampa. 

 

New Orleans 28, Atlanta 19

 I wonder if anyone has forcibly sodomized Mike Vick yet in the joint.

 

Baltimore 24. Buffalo 17

 If they have... Vick may have looked back at the man and said "Well... still beats living in Buffalo."

 

NY Giants 28, San Fran 14

 NFL teams should all keep at least one actual Giant on their rosters to block field goals and stuff.

 

Washington 20, Arizona 17

 They'd bring some guys back from the most recent Cardinals team that won a NFL championship, except that it's easier to find a Spanish-American War veteran.

 

KC 24, Oakland 20

 Tony Gonzalez is so elusive, he snuck into Missouri from Mexico without touching Texas.

 

Cincy 38, NY Jets 27

Mangina will be coaching Brewster High at this time next year. 

 

Dallas 28, Minny 13

Dallas should do OK now that they're back in the JV games.

 

Philly 16, Chicago 13

Chicago will get like 7 sacks and still lose.

 

St. Louis 28, Seattle 27

 They gotta win sometime. I choose Now.

 

Denver 17, Pittsburgh 15

 6-1, Red Sox... and it's fitting that our Navajo player may have driven the last nail into the Indians.

 

Indy 24, Jacksonville 17

Peyton Manning is the only non-Yankee that I actually want to see suffer some catastrophic injury. I know, it's wrong. Deal (v).

If Joe Loong still was at AOL, I wouldn't be having these problems...

I want that picture bigger...

"Run Run Run From The Ghetto Bird..."