ゴジラの逆襲... Kids These Days...

   I used to teach at a pretty rough school (a private school, nonetheless), and it wasn't at all unusual for me to get my smurfy little hands on various drugs, weaponry and other goodies that may have otherwise slowed the Learning Process.

   The kids would give it to me, because they knew that I'd generally give it back. While I wouldn't give back pepper spray or cocaine, there's no reason for me to refuse to give back a cell phone or a Walkman. That said, I managed to hang onto some of the more choice items.

   If I found pot on them, I'd keep it for myself. I'd give the less spectacular knives to the security guard, who was a biker. If I found heroin on a student, I hit him and flushed the drugs in front of him. I had a kid give me a bottle of Bailey's once... "We never got to it last night, there's nowhere to hide it, you're gonna find it anyway, and I can dodge a suspension if I just give it to you." This young man had rich parents who wouldn't miss the occasional bottle, and his Common Sense bested his desire to Beat The System.

   I gave back a few knives, to kids I knew who carried them for entertainment purposes only. I had an Eagle Scout who used to go hiking all weekend, and he'd get dropped off at school on Monday morning with a full pack. One time he came up to me and whipped out a huge f***ng Rambo knife, and asked me to hold it for him until the end of the day. I put it in my desk, and occasionally pointed to the map with it. The other students loved it.

   Some of my more thugged-out students would forget to take their EZ Widers or their butterfly knives out of their coat pocket before heading off to school, and I used to end up storing these for the remainder of the school day.

   While it is generally considered to be poor form for a teacher to be handing a Bowie knife to a student, it was my willingness to return said item that ensured that no one was walking around the school with a knife on them.

   When I moved here, I packed up all my stuff, and I'm still unpacking it a little at a time as we get bookshelves built. Each box brings back fond memories, and today I found a doozy.

   The pictures featured here are weapons that I bought off my students.

   The blow gun was something that a kid brought in while we were studying aboriginal cultures, and- while initially upset that I took it from him- he bought into my argument that it would be better for everyone if he wasn't prowling the halls of the school with a blow gun.

   When he came back for it, I just started laying twenties on the table until he cracked. He was out a neat toy, I was out $40, and no one got a 4 inch dart in the neck at MY school that day. To work an old teacher admonition into this... yes, you could take out someone's eye with that.

   I don't even know what you'd call this beast of a double knife, but I took it off a kid who planned on using it to secure money for a date he had with this girl from his neighborhood. The same process went on that got me the blow gun. In the end, I was out $50, he took a girl to Red Lobster instead of Burger King, and I managed to take whatever the f*** you'd call this off the streets.

   This is actually a pretty cool thing to kill someone with, should it ever come up. You can hold this in a fist (Stephen has a pretty giant hand- it looks more like Wolverine or Freddy Krueger when I hold it) while wearing it under a loose jacket, then whip it out and up.

   It's spring-loaded, too... so you could pretty much bring the ruckus to Mike Tyson if you could get inside on him. This is a genuinely ugly weapon, and I thought $50 was a fair price.

   Whatever you may think of this policy, this is the maximum usage these weapons got once I acquired them. I ended up discarding this policy when I came to see myself as a small-time arms dealer after several similar purchases.

   Remember to come back to this article... because if I dug down into the box with the blow gun, the shuriken  and the wrist rocket can't be far behind.

   I even have a rude piece of body armor, which an old student of mine tried to surreptitiously make (with material he had legally gathered from a metals recycler in Everett) when yours truly was the emergency shop class teacher.

   Also, please use caution when commenting on this article... or you just may get a 4 inch dart in the keister, and never hear it coming.

ゴジラ

Look Who Came To Dinner....

   The Belly Check  has gone on a Bobby Sands-like hunger strike to protest the officiating in the New England/Denver game. Much like the Harvest, we will return in the fall... angry and perhaps renamed. Until then, High Above Courtside  has a houseguest.

   Still, there are people all across the world that can't bet their hard-earned money until they know just what the good people of Buzzards Bay think, and who am I to interfere with the War Economy? Still, it's an ugly game to wager on. 

  How do we call a game between The Chin and a team that I truly feel didn't earn their spot in the title game? I hate Denver, and I wish Sasquatch rape on all of their fans.... but it's wrong of me to do so.    

  As a WWE fan (it's real to ME, man), I learned long ago that you can't fault a man for taking the last slice of pizza. There are a lot of guys on Chump Street right now who failed to take opportunities that were handed to them, and Denver's place in the AFC title game is proof that Poppa didn't raise no punks.   

   I myself said that the conference finals has a No Bozo policy, and Denver- however they did it- are still drinking when just about everyone else in the bar are resting their heads on the table or vomiting in the parking lot. Some teams are Unstoppable, and some are Immovable.... and others simply don't lose. Denver seems to be in the last category.   

   Denver has thrown a little, run a lot, played tight D and beaten everyone that wanted some. Pittsburgh hosted last year's AFC title game, and just knocked off the Media Champions. They were all over Indy like salt on a peanut...Squirrel, please!   

   In fact, it should be a helluva game. I want snow, and probably won't get it. Both teams can run it, and this may look as much like a 1940s game.. minus the black guys, the hippy QB, and the popular German QB.

   How will it end? Pittsburgh whaled on the team that curb-stomped Denver out of the playoffs last year. John Denver eliminated the guys who ended Pittsburgh's season last year.   

   If I get what I want, Denver will stop Pittsburgh's running game.... only to lose the game due to horrific ref calls that repeatedly hand them the ball on the Denver one yard line.

   Take that, you Rocky Mountain SOBs!!  

   Pittsburgher, 17-16

Squall

A few notes here...

A) While these waves aren't huge, they are notable in that we usually don't get waves

B) I had access to a camera

C) This counts as sport, as some of my readers may be really small surfers.

D) It was stormy, but no rain had fallen yet. As I took the last one, I could see a white mist moving across the water (the squall)... but the picture I took of it failed to work. I got soaked after taking it, too.

As close as these houses are to the ocean, it isn't that bad when storms come. These are huge waves for this beach. Astronomical high tides can flood around the houses, which is why they are built on stilts. The 1938 hurricane was the last to really eff this beach over, and that had 180 mph+ winds.

 

If I was this close to the water in east-facing Duxbury with a 40mph wind, I'd be very, very underwater. Buttermilk Bay is south facing (from my end, anyhow), and only incoming hurricanes will really pound it.

 

You can usually walk over to that sign, which is used to explain shellfishing rules. I tried to zoom in on it, but it was maddddd blurry.

In the above and below photos, you can compare natual seawall vs. concrete block seawall. The rocks can be moved by heavy surf, but the concrete will crack and collapse with more vehemence.

The US Army used this beach to do D-Day test runs, and it has been a cottage village since after WWII.

Unless that global warming stuff is BS, this dude may own a real fancy dock in 2075.

 

 

Tragi-Comic

 

  It was deeply saddening to me when my Patriots lost, and it will take more than a year (to whenever the following Super Bowl is held) for me to get over it.

   No need for the crying towel, though. I enjoyed a full hearty laugh while watching football today, and that laugh was entirely on a certain punk of a QB.

   That's right, folks... Peyton Manning choked again.

   For however many years in a row now, the media was handing the Super Bowl to Mr. October before he earned it. He then proceeded block his own windpipe with a triple chumpburger of Failure, in a perfect manifestation of what he must know is his destiny by now. His repeated failures are probably taken as an omen of true winter by Indiana aboriginals.

   While his blood isn't on our hands this January, it is all over that sissy field of his in Naptown. I can already see him in Mexico next weekend, waking from his restless sleep with nightmares of this huge Chin tearing him to pieces.

   If his wife slips up and calls him "Tom" or "Ben" every now and then, can you blame her? Chances are, she knows just enough about football to know that her husband can't seem to get the job done.

   Indy coasted into the playoffs on a schedule so easy that they couldn't take it undefeated and get into the Rose Bowl. They rested everyone, and came into the playoffs with a team that- by its' sheer athleticism- was actually better than healthy... and they still folded  up like a beach chair.

   Lots of people lose. My team lost. I root for the Red Sox, who set records for futility that led to a new form of Darwinism- a form which says that God not only gets involved in major league baseball... but that he chooses sides.

   Next year, he'll be 14-2 again, and everybody at ESPN will be telling you that this is the year he rolls to that Super Bowl he deserves. believe me when I tell you that it simply won't happen.

   Even the old guy working at the gas station had Manning all figured out, and I believe that this same old guy is a Russian immigrant who has been at the gas station since Water Whizz closed in September. "The boy is what you Americans call 'a great beeg poo see' if I might say so, " he said as he cleaned my windshield.

   Indeed. Much like my Red Sox, ol' Mr. Manning has taken losing to that next level. Today we had the close loss, made just that more painful by the fact that Belly Check was already out of the picture. All he had to do was execute... and he went out like a sucker.

   I'd dump that clown somewhere while he still has some value. Even in his own dome, he got thrown on the grass like fertilizer. What a punk!

   His next performance is mid-January, 2007.

Thinning The Flock

  

   It's the Divisional Round of the NFL Playoffs, and it is indeed where the division of the NFL's upper caste occurs. Sometimes a chump team sneaks past a contender. Sometimes, a contender simply blows a game. Sometimes a QB gets his knee torn up. Ish happens.

   The joke is usually only funny for a week, which is when the heavyweights come to the table. To advance now is to outgun Peyton Manning or to outfox Bill Belichick... no mean feat. The conference finals in the NFL generally have a pretty strict No Bozos policy.

   Then you look at the NFC....

   Don't get me wrong- I root for a team that came from nowhere to become the Improbable Dynasty. Anything can happen in the NFL, and usually does.

   Washington has a coach who can ice half a fist in championship karat. Seattle went 12-4. Chicago gives up 13 points in a bad game. Carolina has been to the dance before. None of them has a chance of winning the whole enchilada.

   That doesn't mean that one of them won't do it. Someone from the NFC is guaranteed a spot in the final game. I just wouldn't bet any of them against the Patriots or the Colts. None of them can match the Patriots when it comes to a big game, and Indy's failings have been no greater than the others still left in the chase.

   I've been wrong before, and I'm sure that my view is not the majority view... but I see the essential Super Bowl being conducted next week in Indianapolis' sissy domed stadium.

   If New England wins, they'll admit that no game had them more shook than the Indy game in January. If Peyton wins, it'll all be downhill once he peaks at the defeat of his personal Heartbreak Hill.

   Once you ascribe to that line of reasoning, you are sort of going backwards from deciding the best team issue with the rest of the playoffs once Brady and Manning settle their differences in the conference finals. I'm assuming New England beats Denver, which may not even happen.

   Anyhow... here's how I see it being worked out.

- Seattle vs Washington

   The mere presence of these two teams in the playoffs has probably bankrupted more than one long-range sports gambler who saw Michael Vick or Donovan McNabb being in the playoffs this year.

   I envision Seattle prevailing... if for no other reason than they probably hate saying that, no, actually, they live in Washington STATE. Look for them to take out a lifetime of frustration over this on Southeast Jerome.

   Seattle, 18-17

 

- Chicago vs Carolina

   Carolina seems to be an overwhelming favorite to me, so I'll wish for Chicago to give them a 11-10 Urlachering in what I'm hoping will be miserable weather, while making the sensible bet on the Pants.

  

Carolina, 17-13

 

- Pittsburgh vs Indianapolis

   The chances of Kimo Sabe conducting a repeat performance of his Jack The Ripper act on Manning's anterior cruciate ligament seem pretty small... which is too bad, because it is the only way I see Pittsburgh beating the Colts.

Again, who I root for and whoI bet on are two very different creatures... even when The Chin is involved somehow.

   Indy, 28-13

I won't be blogging today...

I got them Two Brother/One Dog Blues...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks to:  Magic Eye

 

While Satan Counts His Souls...

  While I'm not that into college ball, it's pretty hard to ignore tonight's Rose Bowl.  USC and Texas lock up tonight in Pasadena for what will probably be the polar opposite of that ''little old lady from Pasadena'' story that you always hear when you talk used cars. This will be huge muscle, big money, high stakes, maximum exertion, supreme athleticsm... you know, the whole nine.

   This game also has all of the people currently playing college football that I can name without looking up. College football is more of a coach show than a player show, and they get more cheddar than is thrown at, say, your college history teacher.

   They probably deserve it. I taught for a few years, and only God knows how I would have done if I had to put the kids in a bus and go take on the kids at Stoneham or Brockton twice a week in front of 70,000 test-crazy loyalists who were being fed $8 beers. MCAS says that I'd win Brockton and lose at Stoneham, but I'd still hate to have my fate determined by people who believed in Santa Claus 12 years ago.

   Even in sports, things happen that shock me. One of them was the success of our very own New England Patriots. When Bill Belichick took over this team, they looked friggin' awful. Writers all around the country united in their disdain for the local team, and we looked to be what NBA fans call a ''consistent lottery team.''

   Instead, we reeled off 3 Super Bowls in 4 years, and essentially ran the NFL like a dangerous pimp for all of this current century. I know children who have never seen anyone else win one. Our offensive linemen and safeties have more lucrative endorsement deals than franchise players like LaDanian Tomlinson or Randy Moss do. Winning all the time does that.

    A huge factor in this was Tom Brady. After Mo Lewis big-manned Drew Bledsoe out of the way, the then-unknown Brady morphed into Joe Montana. Champagne Tom now rolls with an actress, meets the Pope, turns up atthe State of the Union address, has a bunch of commercials, and is the Sportsman of the Year.

   The other thing that put us over the top was bringing in a genius to run the show. Belichick has, so far, destroyed anyone who has come up against him in a game of any consequence. He ran a 1940 play last week. His defenses work with rookies and unsigned free agents. If Bill Belichick was running Gulf War I, there would have been no need for a Gulf War II.

   Belichick was a vast improvement over his predecessor. The team he took over had a sound defense, but they couldn't score with a blow-up doll. Bill got some breaks, but there can be no doubt of the mammoth effect his presence had on the team. It was like night and day.

   So, you can imagine my shock when Pete Carroll became an instant dynasty at USC. Pete was laughably bad here, and his ''jacked and pumped'' is still the worst description of a team I've ever heard an athlete/coach use.. and that list used to include Parcells calling players ''she,'' and Butch Hobson saying ''We ran good.''

   Once he hit USC, he started steady smashing everybody up. He has brought us 2 Heisman Trophy winners. He won the national title last year, beating Oklahoma like a government mule. He's favored to do so again tonight. While the Patriots were solid defensively during his time here, there was nothing showing in his performance that made many think that he'd rule college football shortly after.

   Maybe he recruits really well, due to mothers liking him better than some angry Bear Bryant guy that seems to pop up at all those Southern schools. Maybe good players just figured out where California is. Perhaps there was a deal with Lucifer, as many have suggested is the case with Belichick (who was widely despised when he left Cleveland). Maybe some guys are just better suited to coaching kids than adults.

   Either way, I'd suggest tuning in tonight. Texas has a ferocious defense. They also have Vince Young, who is a regular one-man-gang out there. USC has Matt Leinart and Reggie Bush, who just may go 1-2 in the next NFL draft. This will be either a superb game or a stomping... both of which make great TV.

   It may also be a swan song for the former Percy Carroll, who will almost certainly be offered several of the newly-vacant NFL head coaching gigs. He can pretty much pick his spot and name his price, provided he doesn't suffer a 55-0 stomping at the feet of the Texicans.... and probably even if that happens.

   It's tough not to be happy for a guy who was pretty earnest about making my Sundays happy during his time here. It just didn't work out. It's a lot like dumping someone, ending up very happy with someone else... and seeing them 10 years later, perfectly happy in their own right. It worked out for everyone.

   The converse of that is him taking the possibly-available J-E-T-S job, and bashing us twice a year for the next decade. I'd still bet Belly Check over Percy in any battle of football wits... but, as the Rose Bowl should prove, I've been wrong before.