Bad News Barnes

BostonHerald.com - Boston Celtics: Barnes comes off bench with claims

  Red Auerbach had his victory cigar, and Marvin Barnes had his fat nostril duel with the Peruvian Light Infantry while sitting on the same bench that Bill Russell once graced (it was the same bench, too... the Boston Garden was a truly nasty building, and I miss it dearly).

   Now, your humble Smurf has nothing against the occasional schniggedy-schnoutful of the White Man's Burden... but when you are banging down what I'd gather were huge snorts of Tony Yayo with your head under a towel (as about 4000 children watched), it may be time for some lengthy introspection.

   Marvin "Bad News" Barnes was a bit before my time, but he's that kind of ugly story you find when you poke around in the NBA's 1970s era. This was the post Wilt/Russell yet pre Larry/Magic days, and the big names were Dr. J, Havlicek, Maravich, Kareem, etc... The NBA was a weak sell.

   Boston was in sad shape at the end of the 1970s. After Havlicek retired, the franchise was ass-out ugly.The Celtics were sold a few times- at different times, it was run by a Florida land baron and a chicken salesman- and a mammoth trade swapped half of the Celtics with half of the Buffalo/soon-to-be San Diego/ then Los Angeles Braves-Clippers.

   Things worked out well enough eventually, as Red Auerbach stole Larry Bird  and some trades/drafts worked out... but at the end of the 1970s, the Boston bench was the kind of place from where a man just might have to salute Colombia.

   Boston was Valhalla compared to the ship of destruction that was the sad life of Marvin Barnes. Who ever hung the "Bad News" nickname on Barnes must have had a direct male bloodline descent from Nostadamus, because he was one of an effing kind. Tremendous bio, too:

Marvin Barnes - Spirits of St. Louis - Players

   DP could tell you better than I could, but Barnes was a smooth 6'9" forward who had been on a splendid Providence team that almost brought the NCAA baby home to that nasty little city in Rhode I-land. He went into the ABA, and tore the league apart... except when he didn't show up to games, or when he turned up at a pool hall after being missing for a few weeks.

  The best News story I know (from either David Halberstam or Frank Powers) involves Barnes sleeping through a team flight. They called him to tell him he was going to miss the flight. "News will catch a later flight," he said.

   About 5 minutes before tipoff, Barnes shows up. He's dressed in his uniform, and wearing a full-length mink coat. He's also polishing off a Big Mac and fries. "Have no fear... Bad News is here."

   He scored 44 that night, they say.... and had chartered a plane to make the game. He was probably out of basketball 4 years later.

   Marvin had signed a huge contract, but that money is long gone, now. He made several non-refundable investments in Bolivian agricultural interests, and his release from the Clippers (his final shot was an airball) actually led to a small recession in Peru.

   Drugs are fun, kids.... but- as with anything you do in life- moderation is the key. Marvin certainly had the finances to be in a Newport mansion right now, instead of working for a Providence do-gooder foundation.

   Speaking of which, check it out... The Rebound Foundation is a nice bunch of folks.

 

The Rebound Foundation

 

 

   Iowa residents would know better than I, but one would assume that there comes a time- most likely a time that includes the period when the tornado is actually in your yard- that you'd better get into the basement.

   This time varies greatly from person to person, and especially so when one of those people is myself and the other is this sick eff who got this video:

CNN Daily News Clips :Amateur Tornado Video

   It's Iowastanding!

Gettin Muddied By The B-O-A

Putfile - 7th Floor Crew  by the University of Miami Football Team...

NC-17, it's essentially a gang rape to a bad Dre beat. You'll want to wash your speakers after.

"You don't wanna test these pimp ass niggaz unless- you want your wig split."

Regardless, it's good to see that UMiami has a new fight song. This title refers to the floor of their dorm or the jail they'll be in.

It's just 13th grade, as we say in the MA.

"Throw her legs up, and put her in the Buck"

 

1. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR KITCHEN PLATES? white, with roses and gold trim. They effin' rock.

2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? Restrictor Plate This, by Jerry, The Dieast Dude

3. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? some chron flakes

4. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Betting

5. LEAST FAVORITE SMELL? cabbage

6. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU GET UP IN THE MORNING? Wake up in the mornin, got the yearnin' for herb

7. FAVORITE COLOR? Blue  

8. LEAST FAVORITE COLOR? that green that the AOL banner uses

9. HOW MANY RINGS UNTIL YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? Caller ID, then it depends on the caller

10 FUTURE CHILD'S NAME?  God Damn

11. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? chocolate AND vanilla

12. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? One does not drive fast... one drives "faster."

13. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? in a sense

14. DO YOU LIKE THUNDER STORMS? they rule

15. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? 1986 Nissan Sentra, I could go from Duxbury to Nashua for $2

16. WHAT ARE YOU DRIVING NOW? 2004 Jeep Grand Cherokee

17. WHAT IS YOUR SIGN? Stay Off The Grass

18. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? I actually don't eat the other part.

19. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB, WHAT WOULD IT BE? UMiami RA

20. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY COLOR HAIR, WHAT WOULD IT BE?  Gold

21. IS THE GLASS HALF FULL, OR HALF EMPTY? "Soon-to-be-filled"

22. FAVORITE MOVIE?  Scarface

23. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?  I have my own thing going on

24. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? the floor

25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER?  4

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?  on TV, football.... in person, hockey

27. YOUR SINGLE BIGGEST INTENSE PAIN?  broken leg

28. PERSON MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? God only knows

29. PERSON LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND TO THIS ENTRY? Nat

30. KETCHUP OR MUSTARD? while the sandwich could have either, the fries will need ketchup

31. HAMBURGER OR HOT DOGS?  I won't eat a hot dog

32. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?   Fall

33. THE BEST PLACES THAT YOU HAVE EVER BEEN?  The Seventh Floor of the UMiami athlete dorms

34. WHAT BACKGROUND IS ON YOUR COMPUTER RIGHT NOW? this:

35. FAVORITE FAST FOOD?  linguica pizza

Mann To The Fiz-Arm

May as well empty both barrels into cranberry harvesting...

 

When it gets cold, the cranberries will get all effed up if allowed to freeze on the vine..... so they spray water on the bogs on frosty nights, which forms a frost on the bushes that prevents the berries from freezing somehow.

Yes, I know that doesn't make sense... that's why I don't farm stuff.

My man up on the John Deere Wet Dream (literally)... loosening the berries, which floats them to the flooded surface for cool photo-ops.

I've been negotiating with the Crayola people, hoping to sell them this shade of red. They shot me down over a similar incident last year, when I tried to sell them "Off Whitey."

We visited last year, and explained the process better here... The Million Cran March<FONTCOLOR=#FFFF66>  and here... Mann To The Fiz-Arm

October on Cape Cod ... foliage

 

Bournedale... ruff-ly the same area

 

Dog Meets Bog.... yet more cranberries..

 

 

Enough Beta Carotene To Turn A Baby Orange.... Pumpkins of all sorts

 

A Grassy Noel.....berries

 

Tags: Buuzards Bay, Cape Cod, Massachusetts, Cranberry, Cranberry Bog, Thanksgiving

Check It

THERE'S STILL TIME!!! 10:55 EST, ESPN2!

   Jamie Mottram represents AOL and the Blogosphere on Cold Pizza, ESPN2's ("the Deuce," as spots fans who don't remember Mussolini call it) morning show. Jamie, who hosts AOL's internet radio show Sports Bloggers Live(check the banner link on top of this page), is brought on for his blogging expertise. His expertise is massive- he's connected like Verizon.

   This is cool for reasons that are Legion. For starter's, Jamie is a nice guy who is getting a fat break. Secondlyish, he drops a quote from Out Of The Brew during his segment- Mr Bier Snob is a long-time fan of this page. Thirdly, this may be a recurrent event- which means that if you get off a good line around showtime, you may hear your name dropped on the Deuce.

   The cable TV people have been recording everything you watch for years, so as to exploit you. Offset all the porno and ultimate fighting on your balance with some Cold Pizza. It's good for all of us.

  

They Still Have Soup

   If you coddle Peyton, smash New England up for 8 games, and take away our best defensive players... they can beat us in a yawner. I just hope we injure Peyton, so he can't enjoy it.

   I'd rather use this space to support T.O.

   I'm a lot like T.O. I say stupid stuff. I'm immature. I'm not the best team player in the world. Pretty much everyone I know thinks I'm some sort of a loser, unless it's dinner time. It's why I like writing so much- sometimes, only the keyboard loves you.

   If I annoy you on AOL, you can imagine how bad I am in person. Try working with me, especially in an invested-emotional job like teaching. I'll be the first to tell you that I'm an ass, and that I could basically give an eff if you like it or not. You knew it when you brought me on board.

   We'd probably have some business AND personal differences in the course of the business day. That's natural, and it can be excused when dealing with a jerk like me. It might even get ugly.

   That doesn't mean that you can hire a "bad-ass-ador" to come in and accuse me of faking an injury, no matter how much you dislike me.

   Try that at your job. Find a disgruntled employee- maybe one who is mouthing off outside the job, one who isn't happy with his salary, or one who you dislike personally. If that employee is unlikable, all the better- especially if you can isolate the person and make them look bad in the media.

   Now... send the 290 pound Badassador in to call that guy out in front of the team. Try to avoid the fact that you're calling out a player over an injury who was the only guy to show up (with a broken leg or something) in last year's Super Bowl... especially while you stick up for the guy who was throwing up in the huddle in that very same Super Bowl.

   I taught in some pretty nasty high schools- Brockton High School, which is terrifying, ranks about 3rd on my list. Only Don King has seen more fights than me. With the exception of outright extortion, I rarely saw a spontaneous fight where one party was exclusively at fault- especially the guy in the fight who is giving up 75 pounds.

   Whoever runs Philly sent a common thug down to deal with a problem the G.M. should have handled with a transaction. When they did that, management lost all credibility in the matter. At least the Mafia enforcers wear suits.

   Even the 52 guys on the team kept their mouths shut- probably because they know they won't win without him. They probably also know that only T.O. and Westbrook- who the management is also trying to nickel and dime- were the only ones who showed up in the Super Bowl. Well, Corey Simon did, too.. .but where did he end up?

   T.O. is right. The Philadelphia Eagles have no class. They're no better than him- in fact, they're worse.

  

Cranberry Harvest At Mann Farm

 11/6-11/7

 

Mann Farm in Buzzards Bay

Mann Farm is that big boggy thing in the back... makes for a cool aerial.

http://www.umassd.edu/semap/handbook/buzzardsbay.cfm

 

These cranberries- after washing and processing- may very well end up on your Thanksgiving dinner table.

 

The cranberry itself is too tart to even try to eat- something Sloppy Dog figured out almost immediately, but not immediately enough.

The Cranberry Sauce on your dinner table has been cut with so much sugar, it might turn into Cornholio!

 

^^^  These bogs are flooded one at a time, meaning that the local Canadian Geese population has to sort of hop from bog to bog. They were pretty pissed about it, and they did not agree to be used in this photograph.

 

I didn't hang around all day, but I got the basic idea of how the process goes. This guy drives that thing around, loosening up the berries, which then float to the surface.

 

Then this dude walks around with a big net, pulling the floaters to shore. There were a guy and a lady on land holding the rest of the net, but their picture didn't come out... and keep in mind, the above picture counts as a good photo, so when I reject one... total darkness. I even failed to get the Moon, and it was the only thing in the sky when I aimed the camera.

 

All the berries go into that truck, by use of a machine that didn't want to be photographed.

 

Why I Don't Take The Photographs Here Part II, or Why I Owe The Colonel A Fat Dinner For Going Out Into The Bog This Morning And Correcting My Mistakes.

I cook better than I photograph:

RECIPE FOR CRANBERRY SAUCE!

A simple cranberry sauce can be made with roughly 2 parts cranberries, 1 part water and 1 part granulated sugar by weight.

So, begin with a one pound bag of fresh cranberries, one cup water, and one cup granulated sugar. The sugar can be increased to 1-1/2 cup if a sweeter sauce is desired (I use honey- about a half cup to every 2 cups of cranberries).

Rinse the berries in a colander and remove and stems or bad berries. There's no need to spend too much time on this step(unless you steal the berries right out of Mann Farm in Buzzards Bay). You can also use frozen cranberries - just rinse them and don't worryabout defrosting them.

In a medium saucepan, heat the water and sugar until the sugar is dissolved. Then bringthe syrup up to a boil and pour in the cleaned berries.Adjust the heat so the mixture maintains a simmer and cook until all the berries pop or crack open, about five minutes to seven minutes. Take the sauce off the heat at this point, or simmer it down to the desired thickness. Remember the sauce will thicken a little while cooling. Chill overnight in the refrigerator before serving.

While simmering the berries, additional ingredients can be added for more flavoring such as orange zest, flavored liquors, or spices like cinnamon. ( I've tried it with rum and maple syrup, although it's a whole other animal at that point).

Cooking For Engineers - Recipe File: Cranberry Sauce

 (the comments are my own)

 

Vivi-Section

http://www.trinitychurchonline.net/index.html

   Gimme a "M!!!"

   The Smurf took the 2005 Best Sports Journal at the Vivi Awards last night. I'd like to thank all the good people of Journalville who hung a chad for me.

   I shouldn't have won. Even though I was nominated 3 times in the same category, the other nominess deserved it more.

   Sportz should have won before I did. Look at his blog, then look at mine- who is doing the better sportzwriting? He's a machine, simple and plain. I get half of my ideas simply by checking out his page.

   The best part about a Sportz Vivi win would be the fact that- and I know Sportz pretty well- he wouldn't give a damn, and would most likely be annoyed by the email notification.

   There's two types of people in this world, kids...there are people who need emails with "Congrats, sweety! HUGGGGGGGGGGGGG!! " in them, and there are people who would much rather not be bothered during a Celtics overtime game.

   That's a true sportswriter, and I don't think that I even need to tell fans of this page which category Sportz would fall into.

   Alex and his blog made it onto both the Today Show  and the Tonight Show. He got to dodge Leno's chin, try to look up Katie Couric's skirt, and got off a scathing one-liner on Larry The Cable Guy- whoever the eff that is. I put myself in the AOL Journals Hall Of Fame for lesser reasons.

   Speaking of insulting famous people. I actually got off a few good ones when Barry Bonds was near me at the 2004 All Star Game, but only like 100 people heard it... Bonds actually looked up and laughed, once. The joke was either "I guess this place IS the Juice Box, now!" or "Even my unborn child thinks you're on steroids!"

   He then gave me the finger... but his hand was wrapped in a baseball glove at the time, so the effect was more like a wave (I pointed this out to him). Big, rich and dumb... just how I like them.

   When I was about Alex's age (or maybe even a little younger), I stayed up to watch the Grammy Awards. While the politics of a Grammy escaped me at the time, the big story that year was how Jethro Tull beat Metallica for what I think was the Best Heavy Metal award.

   For those of you who aren't into Heavy Metal, Metallica- at the time- was like 5 young dudes who played as loudly and heavily as possible. One ranks right up at the top of Heavy Metal songs- sort of a slow buildup to a ferocious guitar solo coda. Picture a much darker Freebird, and you'd be on the right track.

   Jethro Tull, on the other hand, were like 60 years old, had a guy with a flute, and haven't had a good song since before Reagan. If you told me that Jethro Tull's members had grand kids that weren't allowed to listen to bands like Metallica, I wouldn't have questioned it.

   Jethro Tull is named after the guy who invented the Seed Drill (which forces seed into the ground, saving it from Europe's hungry bird population) in 1700, in case you were ever wondering. Watching them in action, you'd think the real JT might be the bass player.

   Still, Jethro got the Grammy, and Metallica had to live to fight another day. My father- who listened to French music, which sounds like someone was beating Pepe LePeu with a guitar while he leaned on a piano- told me that Metallica were just kids, and that they would probably win several awards before they broke up or ODd. You need to know people in this business, as they say in Hollywood.

   Well, Alex and Sportz just got Jethro Tull'd last night. Don't think that I didn't love winning a Vivi- I just know where my bread is buttered. I slept easily last night simply by knowing that the day of Alex will come, and that  Sportz wasn't disturbed while trying to concentrate on college football.

Check out some of the people who won the vote:

http://journals.aol.com/pattboy92/VIVIAwards/entries/428